Crumbling Armor
by Kelly of the midnight dawn
Summary: Post Undercover. Elliot and Olivia actually have a talk after they make the arrest. But that's just the beginning. What happens when a certain someone makes bail? EO
1. Chapter 1: In His Arms

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 1: In His Arms**

**Disclaimer: Don't own SVU or Elliot or Olivia or anything worth owning accept a really awesome DVD collection that includes SVU seasons one through six.**

**A/N: Okay, this is my first new story back. Nothing like a new episode, especially such an intense one that somehow lacked in EOness, to get the creative juices flowing. I hope you enjoy it. By the way, I'm usually good at remembering the perp's name but this time I was to distracted by Mariska Hargitay's incredibly ability to scare the crap out of me that I never caught it. Someone told me his last name was Harris but if anyone can give me his full name, that would be great.**

"Want a ride home?" Elliot asked as he followed Olivia down the hall. He was concerned about her, more concerned about her than he had been when she'd been involved in that hostage situation with Simon. He knew she had lied to him when she told him that nothing had happened in that basement, he could see it in her eyes.

Olivia stopped walking and just stood there. She'd been warn down by the entire prison experience in general but the basement had shaken her, nearly broken her and in those moments when she was alone with her thoughts she felt broken. She tried not to let herself fall into that bottomless pit but it was so hard to put up a fight. Her subconscious mind must have known what was best for her however because, even though she didn't turn to face him, she softly let out the words "Sure, thanks," instead of putting up the usual defence about Kathy or the kids or how he should be home.

Elliot took a step closer to her. He surprised her when he reached down and took her hand in his. He lead her to the car and stood by the passenger door with her for a long time. Slowly, he lifted his arms and wrapped them around her in a loving hug. He rested his head on her shoulder "I told you that you'd get him," he whispered and she could hear tears in his voice.

"El…?" she whispered, wrapping her arms around him as well. She could feel her own eyes welling. She felt safe with him. She was afraid, even after Fin showed up, when her tough exterior resurfaced, she was still afraid and she was afraid now. But at least with Elliot, she felt safe.

He pulled away from her and opened the car door for her. He watched as she lowered herself into the seat, more carefully than he had ever seen her sit before. There were areas of her body that she was being careful not to bump too much. He reached out and touched her cheek "Didn't you go to the hospital after…" he trailed off.

"No," she replied, pulling her legs inside the car quickly and letting out a noise that Elliot had never heard come from her mouth before. It was a cross between a gasp and a horrified whimper.

He sank to his knees beside the open car door. The only thing going through his head at that moment was her. What had that sick freak done to her? He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and beg her to tell him the truth. Not knowing was killing him inside. Instead, he rose to his feet and closed the car door, walking around to the other side and getting in.

"Are you all right?" she asked after he had fastened his seatbelt.

He looked up into her face, so full of pain that she couldn't hide it anymore "How can you think of everyone else right now?" he thought out loud without meaning too.

"Excuse me?" she asked, sounding defensive and confused all at once. She tried to focus on what Elliot was saying but the longer she sat there, the more she realized that she was more severely injured than she had at first thought. Though, she still believed that it wasn't anything that Ibuprofen and a water bottle couldn't fix. She was just trying to remember where she kept the hot water bottle when Elliot spoke again.

"Please tell me what happened?" he asked quietly.

She turned her gaze towards the window "He tried," she answered in a small voice "But he didn't. That's all you need to know."

He reached out and put his hand on her shoulder "You knew about the mole," he whispered in realization. He didn't know why it had taken him so long to put two and two together.

She nodded "Please take me home Elliot," she whispered, turning her gaze towards her lap.

They drove in silence to her apartment building. When Elliot glanced in her direction, he noticed tears coming down her face. He wanted desperately to hold her. He couldn't think about Kathy or his kids at that moment. There was only Olivia and all he wanted to do for the rest of his life was protect her and love her. He forgot that thought far too soon however when his phone rang. He took it out and looked at the caller ID. It was Kathy. He flipped it open and began to speak "Hey Kath," his voice held little if any emotion towards his wife as his eyes remained on Olivia who didn't even glance up at him.

"When are you coming home tonight?" Kathy asked with the slightest twinge of irritation in her voice.

Then Elliot did something he never thought he'd ever do… He lied to Kathy "We caught a case. It's a bad one. Looks like I'll be home late if at all."

It was then that Olivia looked up at him. She wiped her eyes hurriedly and stared at him in utter confusion. "El, what are you-" he held up a finger to silence her.

"Oh," Kathy murmured on the other end of the line "Oh well. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I hope so," Elliot said with a bit of an exhausted sigh "I don't know how long this will take. Give Eli a kiss for me. Bye."

Olivia continued to stare at him as he hung up the phone and "You lied to her," she stated plainly "Why?"

Elliot shrugged "I don't know," he got out of the car and came around to Olivia's side. She had already opened the door and was attempting to stand but finding it difficult. Elliot reached down and lent her a hand. As soon as she was standing, she collapsed into his arms. "Don't worry," Elliot said calmingly "I got you." He supported her in his arms and walked towards the door of the building "Maybe we should go to the hospital," he suggested.

"I'm all right," she tried to convince him as she shakily pulled away and unlocked the door for him to follow her "I just need a good night's sleep." She was aware that Elliot was following close behind her, watching her with a hawk like resolution. She didn't care. She didn't even really care that he had lied to Kathy. She needed the company of someone she trusted.

Elliot scratched his head "I think that this is something more than simple fatigue," he expressed his opinion in a hushed whisper as he walked beside her down the hall of doors on the way to her apartment; he didn't want to wake anyone up.

Olivia bumped against Elliot's side for the fourth time during the short journey and found herself leaning there for support a second too long. But Elliot didn't seem to mind though he continued to watch her with concern filling his blue eyes to the brim.

Olivia managed to get to the couch where she collapsed into a sitting position. Elliot joined her and they both sat in silence, staring ahead at the blank TV. It was Elliot who broke the silence first by turning and enveloping Olivia in a tight embrace. He loosened his embrace when he felt her flinch "I was so worried about you," he whispered and the tears returned to his voice. His free hand went to her hair and began to stroke it "Please, look me in the eye and tell me he didn't hurt you?" he begged.

Olivia began to cry too. "If Fin hadn't showed up when he did," she whispered, tightening her grip on Elliot "Harris would have killed me."

"Oh God," Elliot whispered, trying to resist the urge to hug her much tighter. Inside, he became angry and decided he would have to kill Harris if a jury didn't send him away forever.

Olivia sniffled and buried her face in Elliot's shoulder "I've never felt so scared," she confessed as she shook like a leaf "I ran from him but I couldn't get away. He was too strong."

"It's all right," Elliot assured her "I promise you that you're safe now."

"I know that," Olivia wiped her eyes with the back of her hand to no avail "But somehow it doesn't seem that way. I don't like feeling so vulnerable," she stated "But that's all I feel lately. I'm scared," she finished in a tiny whisper.

Elliot pulled closer gently "He'll never hurt you or any other woman again," he reassured her.

"I know," she said softly as she wiped her eyes again "Somehow it doesn't make me any less afraid." She nuzzled as close to him as she could when suddenly it dawned on her. Elliot was holding her, Elliot was comforting her and it felt right. She lifted her head ever so slightly "Thanks." She whispered.

"Anytime," Elliot smiled. He bent his head and placed a kiss on her lips.

The two of them jumped back in surprise. A long and awkward pause was followed by a chorus of 'uhs" from the both of them.

Elliot stood up "Maybe I should go," he said hesitantly.

"Please don't," Olivia whispered. She reached her hand out tentatively "Stay please?" she looked up at him.

Elliot had seen that look once on a family camping trip when he was young. He and his brother had been hiking and had found and injured doe in the forest. The creature had watched them with a look of sheer terror. Elliot and his brother had kept the deer a secret from the rest of the family and had done there best to care for it but it had died.

He sat down again beside her and wrapped his arms around her again "Of course," he whispered.

Not long after that, Olivia went to bed. Elliot lay on the couch with the pillow and blanket Olivia had brought him. He stared at the patterns on the ceiling, created by the soft glow of street lamps that drifted through the windows punctuated by the occasional passing car.

He began to think. He should have objected to this undercover idea with every fiber of his being. But then again his protests would have done no good. When Olivia was set on something there was never anyway to change her mind. He wished that Harris had contracted that drug resistant virus and died long before Olivia had ever had the idea. He wished that he could have gotten away with murdering Harris on the way to be booked. Most of all he wished he could somehow protect his partner no matter how many miles or bars separated them.

His thoughts were interrupted around two in the morning by the most terrified screams that chilled him to the bone. He leapt up and ran into Olivia's room to watch her twist and turn in her sheets. He knelt beside the bed and took her hand, holding it gently "Liv," he called softly.

Her eyes snapped open and immediately landed on him. She burst into tears and rolled away from his gaze. "How could I let him do this to me?" she asked softly through her tears.

Elliot cautiously climbed onto the bed with her. He gently reached out to her and pulled her close. He simply held her, finding himself at a loss for words. He sat there, holding her tight, trying to protect her from the pain she was feeling but feeling completely helpless.

"I was so scared," she whispered "He was hurting me so much. I knew he was gonna kill me. I just wanted him to stop."

"I know," he whispered, moving a hand up to stroke her hair.

"You don't understand," she said, trying to pull away from him, knowing that she wasn't deserving of his comforting touch. She succeeded and curled up against the headboard "I begged him to stop. I begged him. He was too strong for me and I was afraid so I begged him. I knew he wasn't gonna stop and I begged him to anyway."

Elliot reached out to her again. She neither retreated or came towards him "Liv…" he began but she turned her gaze towards the window.

Tears continued to flow "I've never felt so vulnerable," she whispered. "I'm weak," she said bitterly.

"Don't say that," Elliot told her firmly, moving closer to her on the bed "You're the strongest person I know. You are not weak. You did what you had to do to put a dangerous man in jail." He attempted to wrap his arm around her shoulder and was glad when she didn't move away.

She let her head fall back against the headboard "I was terrified," she said quietly "He flung me around like a rag doll and I knew I was gonna die."

Elliot pulled her into his arms "I should have been there," he whispered.

Olivia sniffled as she let her head fall to Elliot's chest "It's not your fault," she reassured him.

"And it's not yours either," he replied, gently running his hand up and down her back. He sat there with her for a long time in silence as her breathing evened out and her tears slowly dried up. He held her close and thanked God for the opportunity. If she'd been killed, he didn't know what he would have done.

He'd thought she had fallen asleep and was about to doze off himself when her soft voice caught his attention "Why are you here?" she asked him straightforwardly.

He inhaled deeply. He wasn't ready to admit the truth to himself let alone to her. He began to speak, choosing his words carefully "Because, I was worried about you." There was so much more to it than that. He was worried about her and wanted to make sure she was okay but there was so much more to it than that. His feelings for her went far deeper than he could ever express. And with Kathy and his children waiting for him at home, he wasn't sure it was the right time to try to put those feelings into words.

He held Olivia close as she slept. He could have lost her. He'd almost lost her so many times. How could he not tell her? It wasn't fair to Kathy to pretend that he loved her when his heart belonged to someone else, he realized that now. He carefully bent his head and stared into Olivia's sleeping face "I love you," he whispered, brushing his lips gently across hers. She murmured something incoherent but it didn't appear that she had woken up. One day, he would tell her when she was awake and hope that she felt the same way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You made bail," the guard, a guard he didn't know, told him gruffly as the cell door clanged open. He walked out to find his lawyer waiting there.

"Told you I'd get the money together," his lawyer told him.

"Yeah, good job," Harris replied, walking right past the man. He had to get home and make sure the cops hadn't already searched his place yet. He had to collect his tools. His life had been ruined by that bitch. He had nothing to lose. He was lucky to even have been granted bail in the first place.

Why be charged with only the attempted murder of a cop when he could spend whatever time he had left knowing that he had snuffed her life out completely. It was time to finish what he started.


	2. Chapter 2: Bad Dreams and Real Nightmare

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 2: Bad Dreams and Real Nightmares**

Olivia awoke with a start. She looked up and saw Elliot sleeping peacefully, resting against the headboard of her bed. She got up slowly so as not to wake him and went out to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee.

As she moved she felt the soreness in her body. She bent to pick up the now long cold hot water bottle where it had landed on the floor, most likely during her nightmare. She moved slowly out of the room, pausing at the door to see Elliot, sleeping in her bed. She made her way back over to him and gently moved him so that he was no longer sitting up. She adjusted the covers to make up for the absence of her body heat.

She turned and was about to walk away when she turned back to him where he lay sound asleep. She bent and pressed her lips to his with less than a feather's amount of force behind them "Thank you," she whispered.

She didn't think she would have made it through the night without him. There was something about his presence that soothed her. His words had comforted her in the moment of course but it was almost impossible for her to believe them.

How could it have not been her fault? Why didn't she suspect something from the very moment they entered the basement? How could she leave herself so open to attack? She should have been able to defend herself better.

She leaned against the counter, listening to the coffee pot percolate while she stared out the window. Then, she gasped. She shook her head quickly and tried to clear her mind. There was no way, there was just no way. Even if by some miracle he had made bail… He didn't have any idea where she lived.

She rubbed her eyes and looked again. Whoever it was that she had mistaken for Harris was nowhere to be scene. She let out a sigh. She was starting to see things now. She couldn't let her mind play these kind of tricks on her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Darkness, darkness everywhere, it seemed to have taken on it's own being. He could feel evil in the air, pure evil plain and simple. It left him feeling unsettled. Endless dark corridors and darkened stairwells stretched out before him. He wondered how he had come to be in such a place when he heard it. He heard horrific screams of pain, echoing of every surface of his surroundings. There was no way to tell from where it was coming but there was no question from whom.

"Olivia!" he screamed as he tried to figure out which direction to go. He chose a hall and began running down it, flinging open every door he could find. There was no sign of her.

He tried another corridor. He yelled her name into every corner, every crack that he could find. The screams became more desperate. Pleading cries for help and mercy tore his heart into tiny pieces. He knew he had to find her.

He chose a third hallway and ran down it. He called out to her with as much desperation in his voice as he heard in hers. For a while it looked as if he would never find her but when he reached the door at the end of the hall and flung it open… There she was, pinned to the floor by that bastard.

Her cries were starting to fade. He ran to her, tossing Harris aside effortlessly. He lifted her into his arms. She was still alive. He turned towards the door he had entered through but it wasn't there anymore.

The darkness around him suddenly grew even darker until it was only he and Olivia in the middle of a see of nothingness. Olivia turned and buried her face in his chest "Please don't leave me here," she whispered in a weak voice.

"I won't," he promised as he peered into the darkness, trying to find a way out.

Booming laughter seemed to assault them from all sides. It was Harris. Though Elliot could not see him, he knew he was there. "You son of a bitch!" he screamed in no particular direction as inside he desperately prayed for salvation. All he needed was a light, a light to show him where to go, where to go to get Olivia to safety.

"She's going to die," Harris's voice boomed from the nothingness "You know she is."

"No," Elliot whispered but it was true. Olivia's eyes had drifted closed and her pulse was growing weaker by the second. He lowered her to the ground beneath him so he could perform CPR but though his hands left her for only of a fraction of a second, the next thing he knew, she had disappeared.

"She's mine now," the darkness told him and once again Elliot could hear her terrified pleas for some sort of rescue.

"Elliot!" he heard her scream "Please help me! Elliot!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Elliot," Olivia called in a singsong voice as she shook his shoulder gently "Hey El wake up."

Elliot's eyes opened to see Olivia standing above him, a soft smile gracing her lips. He opened his mouth and managed to grumble a barely coherent "Good morning."

"Well, good morning yourself," Olivia almost laughed.

"What's up?" he asked as he sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and staring at her, finding it hard to get the nightmare out of his mind.

"I made coffee," she told him, tossing a pillow lightly in his direction "Now come on we've gotta get to work," she turned and walked out of the bedroom. She turned back briefly "Kathy just called my cell. She says you aren't answering yours."

Elliot groaned "What did you tell her?" he asked.

"That you're fine," she answered "But you'd better call her back. She seems a little angry."

"Just great," Elliot muttered. He had lied to Kathy and effectively dug his own grave. He was going to need to talk to her soon. He would have to go home eventually. He needed to face her and he needed to tell her the truth. There would be time.

He followed Olivia to the kitchen. He decided that if he waited for the right moment, he could sneak in and grab a fresh change of clothes without running into anyone.

He watched Olivia as she poured a mug of coffee for him. A thought occurred to him "You don't have to be at work," he said, remembering what he had overheard Cragen tell her "You have three days of 'Forced vacation'," he smiled at the look on her face as he quoted Cragen's exact words.

She shrugged her shoulders and then winced "I figured I'd just show up anyway. What's he gonna do, have me removed from the premises?"

Elliot took a deep drink from the mug "He might," he teased.

Olivia sipped at her own coffee "Oh please," she almost laughed. She turned to grab a paper towel from the counter to wipe her face and suddenly dropped her mug, splattering hot coffee all over her legs.

The mug shattered and Elliot closed the distance between them "You all right?" he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Olivia looked down at the puddle on the floor and the shattered mug. She hadn't even realized she'd dropped it until Elliot had spoken. She'd been too busy staring out the window at the impossible again. He couldn't possibly have found out where she lived. It couldn't be him. Her mind was playing tricks on her. She looked back at Elliot "I'm fine," she said shakily.

"Maybe you should listen to Cragen and take that vacation time?" Elliot suggested gently.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed, glancing back out the window then back at Elliot "Yeah, I think I will."

Elliot and Olivia reached for the paper towels at the same time. There hands touched and Elliot cleared his throat softly "I'll clean this up," he offered kindly.

"No, it's find," Olivia said, snatching the roll from the countertop "I'll do it. You should get home."

"Probably," Elliot admitted reluctantly. He took a step towards Olivia and laid a hand on her shoulder "Are you gonna be okay?" he asked. He was already trying to come up with a plan to keep an eye on her for the next night or so.

"I'm fine," she lied. If her mind kept playing tricks on her like it had been that morning she didn't know what would happen.

Elliot looked into her eyes. He decided not to press the issue now. He really did have to get going or he would have Kathy and Cragen on his case. "I'll drop by this afternoon," he promised.

"Thank you," Olivia said softly as she bent down to start wiping up the coffee and the shards of the mug. She looked up to see him kneeling down beside her, a wad of paper towels in his hand. There eyes met and for a moment they drew closer to each other "I don't know if I'd have gotten through last night without you," she admitted.

"Anytime," Elliot told her with a soft smile as he stood up and threw the soggy lump of paper towels into the trashcan. In truth, Olivia had provided him peace of mind by allowing him to stay and comfort him. If she had turned him away, he would have spent the night, tossing and turning, worrying about her.

Olivia tossed her own wad of paper towels into the trash and turned to face her partner. It had meant so much to her that he had stayed, hadn't cast her off as being too needy. She didn't think she could tell him any of that though.

They stared into each other's eyes for several moments. They each leaned in close gradually, each one seemingly in a trance, held their by the other's gaze. It was inevitable destiny but neither one was ready to fully recognize that. Their lips met and once again they jumped apart as they had the previous night.

Olivia's gaze dropped immediately to the floor "Oh my God," she whispered, moving away from Elliot hurriedly, searching for anything that she could busy herself with to keep her mind off of what had just happened "Elliot I'm so sorry…"

"Don't worry about it," he smiled awkwardly. He reluctantly increased the distance between them as he headed towards the door "I'll see you this afternoon," he told her.

Olivia didn't turn around, afraid that he would see the blush creeping up her cheeks "Okay," she called back. The apartment door closed and Olivia let out a sigh.

It was so confusing to have kissed Elliot. It filled her with such an intensely happy feeling but at the same time, he was married, they were partners, it was wrong on all levels. Then why did it feel so right.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot walked up to the front door and pulled out his keys. He turned the key and entered, hoping he wouldn't run into Kathy. He didn't want to explain himself to her right now. The house was empty. The kids had already left for school and Kathy had obviously taken Eli somewhere.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he took a quick shower and changed his clothes. He took his gym bag from the closet and packed a change of clothes to take with him to Olivia's that night. He had another spare set of clothes in his locker at the precinct. He would grab that one when he got to work.

He tossed the bag into the trunk of his car and headed to the precinct. He felt relieved that he hadn't run into Kathy but he felt guilty that he felt relieved. He was so confused. Things between him and Kathy weren't exactly great lately and his feelings towards Olivia seemed to overpower his heart and mind but he still had a special place in his heart for his wife.

He pulled into the parking lot of the precinct and put his head in his hands. It was going to be a long day.

When he finally got up to the squad room he was more than a little bit shocked to see Kathy there, holding Eli in her arms. She was talking with Cragen and even though Elliot couldn't here either of them, he knew they were talking about him and he knew it couldn't be good.

Kathy spun around and stared at him. She didn't look angry, she didn't look concerned, she just looked at him "There you are," she said, not sounding unhappy to see him but Elliot knew he had been caught in his lie.

"You two can talk in my office," Cragen offered, stepping aside. As Kathy walked past him into the office Cragen looked sternly at Elliot. As Elliot moved to follow his wife Cragen pulled him aside "I'll need to talk to you when she's done."

Elliot nodded before he closed the office door, leaving him alone with Kathy. He reached out and took Eli from his mother's arms. He bounced him lightly "He there big guy," he cooed.

"He missed his daddy last night," Kathy informed him quietly. She dropped her arms to her sides. She wasn't going to be mad. She didn't have the right to be mad at him. But since Cragen had informed her that Elliot wasn't working late on a case, she desperately wanted to get mad. She took a step back from him, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible "Where were you last night?" she asked, giving him one last chance to come clean.

Elliot's focus shifted from his infant son to his wife. His throat felt dry. He coughed a bit and took a deep breath, nervously shuffling his feet. "It's complicated," he told her.

"Don't give me that Elliot," She said simply "I'm not stupid. I know you were with Olivia," Elliot was about to open his mouth to say something but Kathy stopped him with a raise of her hand and continued to speak "I also know you well enough to know that you weren't doing anything questionable. So just tell me what's going on."

Elliot shifted even more uncomfortably than before. He didn't know how to tell Kathy what was going on without betraying Olivia's trust. He lightly bounced Eli again and was rewarded with a tiny laugh from the boy. He was grateful for the momentary distraction. But he was thinking about the answer to Kathy's question.

"Olivia needed to talk to someone," he told her.

Kathy shifted positions "About what?" she asked innocently.

Elliot cleared his throat "It not something I can just tell you Kath."

Kathy read the answer in her husband's body language "Oh my God," she whispered "Is she okay?"

"I'm not sure," Elliot let out a heavy sigh before he even realized what he had said. He handed his son back to Kathy "Look, I can't talk about this right now," he quickly turned and walked out of the office.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later," Kathy said as she walked past him "Do you think you'll be home tonight?"

Elliot didn't bother to answer the question. He had no idea how to answer it. There were no simple answers. He was falling for Olivia, had been falling for her for years. But it wasn't so easy. Kathy was right, he wasn't the kind of man who would fool. It was complicated.

He spun around to face Cragen "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked.

"Harris got made bail," Cragen told him.

"What judge would grant bail to that psycho?" Elliot asked in disbelief. For a moment, he thought about calling Olivia but the news would only worry her. Besides, Harris had no idea where she lived. He would call her in a few hours and see how she was doing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia sat on the couch, staring into space. The scene played out continuously in her head like a movie that she desperately wished would stop. She wanted so much to pick up the phone and call Elliot but she couldn't. She could make it through the day without someone else to hold her, though she wanted that more than anything. She wanted him to hold her, talk to her and stoke her hair like he had that night.

There was a knock on her door and she rose to answer it. She looked through the peephole and saw no one. "Who is it?" she called. There was no answer. She listened very carefully but didn't hear anything in the hallway outside.

She convinced herself that it was just a trick of her mind again. But just to make sure, she unlocked the door and stuck her head into the hallway. That was a tragic mistake.

"Hey there," Harris hissed as he pushed her backwards to the floor beneath him, holding a butcher's knife to her throat "Did you miss me sweet cheeks?"

She stared up at him in absolute horror "I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming," she started whispering "Wake up, come on, wake up." She felt so afraid she could barely move beneath him as he forced a ball gag into her mouth.

"We're gonna have a little fun," he grinned as he flipped her onto her stomach hard and used flex cuffs to bind her hands. He dragged her to her feet and leered at her body "We'll just need to get you out of those clothes."

She kicked at him and missed. She couldn't let this happen. She couldn't give in. He caught her foot and sent her tumbling backwards. She hit her head on the corner of the coffee table and could feel a trickle of blood sliding down her temple. She got up and tried to run into the hall in hopes of getting someone's attention but he caught her and pushed her onto the couch.

"You're a feisty one," he snarled, pulling out the knife again and lifting up her shirt. He made a quick slash at her right breast and grinned devilishly at her muffled scream followed by the piteous whimpers of a beaten animal. He lowered her shirt and smiled down at her "The price for disobedience," he remarked.

He slung a large black duffle bag off his shoulder and removed a roll of duct tape from it which he used to bind her ankles "I'm sure I'll have no more trouble out of you," he sneered.

He unzipped the bag completely and shoved Olivia feet first into it. With her knees bent, she fit inside perfectly. He zipped the bag up and slung it over his shoulder again and walked right out of the building.

Olivia knew she was done for this time. There would be no one coming to her rescue this time. He was going to rape her, God only knew how many times. And then he would kill her.

Harris tossed the bag into the backseat of his car and unzipped it just enough so the he could look down into Olivia's terror filled face. He stroked her cheek as she sobbed. He climbed into the front seat of the car and started driving. When they had been driving for ten minutes, he reached back and undid the gag. It no longer mattered how much she screamed. He would be the only one to hear the sweet sounds of her demise.


	3. Chapter 3: Different Kinds of Pain

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 3: Different Kinds of Pain**

Olivia tried to control her breathing but it wasn't easy. She hated feeling so vulnerable, so scared. She peered up at the car's roof and hoped that someone would realize she was missing soon. Still, she tried to compose herself, hoping she could by some miracle she could talk her way out of this "It doesn't have to be like this," she told her captor while trying to keep her voice even and attempting to mask her fear. She failed in both respects.

Harris laughed "You're in no position to be negotiating with me," he pulled the car over and turned in his seat to face her. He held the butcher's knife to her throat and listened to her quick intakes of breath as she tried hard not to panic "You have no say in what I do or do not decide to do with you. Your body is mine now to do with as I please and I am going to do anything and everything I can do to you.

Olivia shuddered as he removed the knife and began driving again. There was nothing she could do to protect herself. She felt so alone. She wished she could be back in her apartment, safe in Elliot's arms again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What the hell are you doing here?" Elliot scowled at the man who had just entered the squad room. It was Harris's lawyer. Elliot didn't want to have anything to do with someone who would defend such low life scum.

"I need to see Captain Cragen," the lawyer, Mr. Hunter told him. He looked incredibly concerned, holding his briefcase close to his body.

"He's in there," Elliot replied dryly, pointing to Cragen's office.

"Thanks," Hunter said quickly as he headed inside. A matter of thirty seconds later, Cragen burst from the door looking red faced.

"Elliot, you'd better get in here," he told the younger man.

Elliot got up and followed Cragen. Once inside the office he closed the door "What's up?" he asked, choosing to stand rather than sit.

"Mr. Hunter has informed me," Cragen began, moving around to the other side of the desk "That he believes that Mr. Harris removed a certain document from his briefcase."

"What sort of document?" Elliot asked skeptically.

"The prosecution's witness list," Hunter replied, looking down at the ground.

"What?!" Elliot shouted. The witness list had names numbers and addresses for every person that Casey intended to put on the stand at the trial. Olivia's information was on that list.

Elliot immediately whipped out his cell phone and frantically began dialing Olivia's apartment. After a few rings the call went to the answering machine. He hung up and dialed her cell phone, it was on but there was no answer. He tried again and again, each time looking over in Cragen's direction with increasing worry on his face.

Finally, he hung up and rushed out of the office, grabbing his jacket, nearly running Munch over on his way out of the squad room. His heart was pounding so loud in his ears that he didn't hear Cragen calling out to him as the captain and the bastard's lawyer chased him down the hall.

"Elliot," Cragen said again "She probably went to the gym or something."

"She didn't answer her cell either," Elliot turned his head to face the captain without breaking stride "I'm going over there.

"I'm sure we could settle this if I could just be allowed time to contact my client," Hunter panted as he tried to keep up with the two other men.

Elliot turned and grabbed the lawyer by the collar of his shirt "If anything's happened to her, I'll make sure that both you and your client go down in flames," he hissed. He released Hunter and he dropped to the ground like a stone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia kept her gaze straight ahead. The tall buildings slowly dissolved into housed and the houses into forest. She didn't know where they were going and she wasn't sure she wanted to know. The engine of the car all of a sudden stopped.

"Damn it!" Harris shouted. He popped the hood on the car and got out, slamming the door behind him. He moved around the car, muttering and cursing all the time. With every moment he became more and more enraged. To the point where he actually began kicking the car.

Olivia cringed in the back seat. Her mind worked feverishly, exhausting all possible means of escape. She wasn't sure there was any chance.

Harris opened the door to the back seat and hauled Olivia out, throwing her to the ground "Here's as good a place as any," he smirked down at her.

"No, no… no," she murmured softly as she saw him descending towards her. She closed her eyes and began to pray.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot stood staring at the blood spatter on the couch and the floor. He knew, he just knew that it was hers. His shoulders slumped and his head fell. She was gone. Harris had taken her. Elliot cursed himself for having left her that morning. Of course he knew deep down that she would have insisted that he go to work but it did nothing to lessen the guilt that he felt.

"We've got every cop in the city looking for Harris," Cragen told him, laying a hand on his shoulder "We'll get her back."

"I shouldn't have left her," Elliot murmured as a CSU tech took the bloody cushion off of Olivia's couch and placed it in an evidence bag.

"None of us could have known he was going to try something like this," Cragen told him in an attempt to comfort his angst.

"Why wouldn't he?" Elliot muttered, staring at the blood drops on the floor. How badly had he hurt her already? Was she even still alive? "She ruined his career. He hates women. The rest of us barely made an impression on him. He was fixed on her. I should have known. I should have stayed."

"And if you had…?" Cragen asked "We don't know how heavily armed he was or how prepared he was. He had the address since he was made bail last night. He could have been watching this place for hours."

Elliot nodded but the thought that he'd been watching them didn't make him feel any better. He would have been waiting for the perfect time to strike. Perhaps, if Elliot hadn't left that morning, Harris never would have tried anything.

Harris's attorney came up to them. He cleared his throat softly as he stared at the broken man and the blood spatter. There was no doubt in Hunter's mind that Harris had done this. He could never defend the man now.

Dwight Hunter had never wanted to end up as a low life defense attorney. He secretly despised anyone who would defend a murderer or a rapist. One Saturday when he had been in his first year of law school, his wife had taken their three year old daughter Hannah to the park. He had told his wife that he needed to stay home and study for an upcoming exam so he didn't accompany them. It was a decision he always regretted.

He had heard what Elliot said and could not stand idly by while he continued to wonder what had happened. He cleared his throat again and the two men stared at him with contempt "I think I have an idea how to find them," he said a little nervously.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Stop!" Olivia sobbed as he threw her against the car. She hadn't provoked him this time. How could she even try to? He had her cuffed and bound. She was defenseless and yet he beat her anyway.

"Shut up!" he yelled back as he bent her over the hood of the car, drinking in the fear in her eyes as she stared up at him.

"Don't do this," she whispered pleadingly as she felt him beginning to undress her.

He simply laughed as he pulled her pants down "I'll do what ever I want," he growled as he unzipped himself "Remember?"

Olivia closed her eyes again, shutting them as tight as she could "Please God," she said in a voice that was barely a whisper "Just let it all be over soon."

Harris's cell phone rang, startling both of them. It startled Harris to the point that he jumped back, letting go of Olivia whose helpless, bound body simply rolled off the hood of the car and landed on the ground.

Harris hissed, spat and cursed as he pulled out the phone, preparing to stomp the offending object out of existence when he caught a glimpse of the caller ID. He recognized his lawyer's number and knew that if he didn't check in with the guy, he might be found out. He took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself and ansered the phone.

"Lowell," Hunter's voice was as calm as he could force it to be "Where are you?"

"Had some car trouble," Harris answered. His already formed erection was beginning to bother him. He had to do something to alleviate the pain and since fucking that little bitch senseless was out of the question as long as he was on the phone, he reached his free hand down and began to masturbate.

"Could you come to my office as soon as you can?" Hunter asked, trying to sound authoritative "There are a few things we have to go over."

"Well, I'm not really in the city right now," Harris told him as he reached climax and ejaculated on the ground by Olivia's feet. He tried to control his breathing so that his lawyer didn't suspect anything.

"Tell me where you are," Hunter's voice was gaining more composure "I'll send someone to pick you up."

"The thing is," Harris pretended to take a look around "I'm not exactly sure where I am."

"Oh well," Hunter said dismissively "If you can't get back this afternoon, I'll just meet with you tomorrow."

"See you then," Harris said quickly before hanging up the phone and turning his attention back to Olivia.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Did you get it?" Hunter asked as he hung up the phone and turned around to where Cragen, Elliot, Munch, Lake and Fin stood in anticipation.

Ruben Morales pulled up a map on the computer. In the center of the map was a flashing red light "Got it," he said triumphantly "He's in a wooded area just outside the city. He's not moving."

"How long will it take us to get there?" Elliot asked.

"Probably thirty minutes," Morales answered.

Elliot grabbed a print out of the location from Morales's hand and sprinted for his car. He just hoped that he would get there in time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia had gradually started to roll away from the car while Harris had been on the phone. It wasn't much of a means of escape but it was better than nothing. Once he hung up she started rolling even faster. But no matter how fast she could roll, he could walk faster. He caught up with her in a matter of seconds.

"I should just kill you and get it over with," he snarled, picking her up and throwing her against the car again.

She moaned and whimpered in agony as she slumped to the ground and Harris began to kick her "Please stop," she begged, tying her best to shield herself though her movement was so limited.

He bent so that he was face to face with her. He held her face in both hands and stared into her defeated eyes "You're more trouble than your worth," he snarled "But I'm far from finished with you."

He let her head drop. He picked up her feet and dragged her further into the woods "Now, let's see if we can find you a fitting final resting place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot drove the sedan, Cragen was in the passenger's seat and Hunter sat in back, remaining silent as the other two conversed about how much time they had before they got there.

"Munch called the local cops in that area," Cragen said, putting down his cell phone once again "Local precinct's been informed and they should be on there way to the search are as we speak."

Elliot nodded as he ran his second red light. He kept praying that they weren't too late. _Please let her be alive. Please let her be alive._ He repeated the mantra unendingly in his head. They just had to find her. They just had to.

"Fin and Lake are right behind us," Cragen told Elliot when he's finished fielding another call "They've run into a bit of traffic. We'll probably get there first."

_Good,_ Elliot thought to himself. He wouldn't have it any other way. He wanted to be the one to throttle Harris for everything he had done. And if he was too late and Olivia was already dead, there would be no force on earth that could protect Harris.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"No…! No…! Stop… please…!" Olivia cried as he tore her clothing completely off her body and lowered his body down on top of her. She lay at the bottom of a fresh hole only a few feet deep that Harris had dug with his bare hands. She knew that when he was done, he would kill her.

He growled with arousal as he ejaculated inside her and rolled off of her. He panted as he stared at her "It was definitely worth the wait," he said, grinning at her evilly.

She felt too much pain to even hear him, not that she would have wanted to know what he had to say. She was lying on top of her bound hands but the strain of the cuffs against her wrists barely mattered compared to the pain she felt in the rest of her body. She could feel her life draining away and knew that she couldn't hold out hope for rescue any longer. She had turned her head to the side so she didn't have to look at him and her tears mixed with the dirt beneath her cheek.

"I guess it's time to say goodbye," Harris chuckled as he took out the butcher's knife again. He grabbed Olivia's face and forced her to look at him "I want to be the last thing you ever see," he told her as he plunged the knife into her abdomen.

She screamed as the blood spurted from her body. She found herself fighting for breath as she struggled to keep her eyes open. She saw Harris raise the knife high again and she attempted to brace for the searing pain that she knew was coming.

But it never did. The last thing she remembered before she lost consciousness completely was the sound of a single gunshot.


	4. Chapter 4: Salvation

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 4: Salvation**

Elliot lowered his gun and ran towards the place where Olivia lay. He threw Harris aside. He was dead anyway. Olivia lay there, blood spurting from a wound in her stomach and her face growing paler by the moment. He knelt beside her and tore off his jacket, pressing it against her wound.

Cragen was right behind him, throwing his jacket over Olivia to preserve her dignity "The paramedics are right behind me," he said breathlessly.

"Good," Elliot didn't even glance up at Cragen when he had been talking, though he had heard the captain's words. His eyes remained on Olivia. She looked like she had been through hell. He began to pray as he sat there and waited for the paramedics. Her pulse was thready but it meant that her heart was still beating and how ever shallow it was, she continued to draw breath. She was alive. He couldn't turn his attention from her or she would disappear like in his dream.

He began to talk to her "Olivia," he whispered, bending down near her ear "Liv…? Can you hear me?"

She let out a soft moan and her eyes slid open just a fraction of an inch. Through her lashes, she saw him and the ghost of a smile appeared on her lips "Thank God," she managed to get out in a barely audible whisper. Harris's leering face as he knelt over her in triumph wasn't going to be the last thing her eyes ever beheld. Her eyes began to drift closed again.

"No," Elliot whispered "You've got to hang on just a little longer," he pressed harder against the knife wound which elicited another tiny groan. "Come on," he begged "The paramedics are almost here," indeed, they were mere yards away at this point, running with a gurney and equipment that would sustain her life long enough to get her to the hospital.

Olivia cracked her eyes open again "Harris," she forced herself to speak his name "Is he…?"

"He's dead sweetheart," Elliot whispered as the paramedics knelt down and began to move her onto the gurney "I promise you, he's dead."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot held her hand the entire ambulance ride. He whispered things to her, things she only half heard but that seemed to give her some sort of comfort nonetheless. Sometimes she would drift into awareness and start to cry, begging Elliot to tell her that this was real and that she wasn't dead. He would assure her with a soft squeeze of her hand (they had removed the cuffs by this point of course) and a loving, soft kiss on her cheek.

The latter did of course make her more inclined to believe it was a delusion but it was a delusion that made her feel safe, protected, loved. Each time he would reassure her in such a manner, she would drift off into a semi stupor caused by a combination of drugs and blood loss and reemerge a minute or so later, her weakened body trying to fight against some unseen demon as she moaned barely coherent words of pleas.

This process repeated itself many times before they reached the hospital. It absolutely shattered Elliot's heart to see her that way. When they arrived in the ambulance bay, Elliot tried to accompany the stretcher as far as he could until a doctor finally cut him off. Olivia was wheeled out of site into the operating room and the doors closed, leaving him standing alone in the hallway.

The next thing he knew, he was being lead to a chair in the waiting room by Cragen. Kathy was there waiting for him with Eli in her lap. Elliot took a seat next to his wife and put his head in his hands.

Kathy laid a comforting hand on his shoulder "How is she?" she asked softly.

Elliot didn't even bother to lift his gaze when he answered her "I'm not sure," he said in a low whisper as he tried to keep his eyes from crying, which was impossible. His dream came back to him in flashes. What if he lost her this time? He'd been an idiot. He'd realized bits and pieces of it before but never had the courage to act on his true feelings, always telling himself that there was time. What if time was just a myth? He and Olivia were always putting their lives on the line so why did he keep telling himself there was time? And now there might never be time again.

Kathy shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She had suspected a long time ago that even though Elliot pretended that she came first, it was really Olivia who occupied the most cherished place in his heart. She bounced Eli on her lap and the baby giggled as she took in a deep breath. What she ended up saying was not at all what she had intended "You're in love with her aren't you?" it had simply slipped out, a question which she was fairly sure she knew the answer to and at a time when it was hardly appropriate to ask such a thing.

"I am," Elliot's admission caught Kathy off guard. She hadn't meant to ask the question and therefore hadn't expected him to answer it. Let alone, give her such an honest, straightforward answer.

Kathy just sat there, watching him. She had no idea how she was supposed to respond to that. What was the proper response when the man you had spent more than half your life with, confirmed your suspicions and shattered your delusions?

Elliot lifted his head and looked at her "I am," he repeated "God help me Kathy but I'm in love with her," his eyes welled up and tears started to fall "I've tried, you know I've tried to make this work between us and now I'm not even sure why I tried so hard." He dropped his gaze to the depressing gray carpet once more.

All the nights he had spent, trying to make things right with Kathy, all those nights he could have spent with Olivia, enjoying her company and perhaps being able to confess his feelings. It was all wasted time now, if she didn't pull through, If he lost his chance… What would he do?

Kathy felt increasingly awkward as she sat there. She watched as the hands of the clock moved, signifying moments that would never come again. She had to say something. She had to tell him that it was alright for him to love Olivia. She had to tell him that trying to make things work had taken its toll on her as well. She cleared her throat "It's okay," was all she could manage to say.

Elliot looked up at her in confusion. She had every right to be mad at him. She had every right to throw something at him. She had every right to take the kids and walk out of his life again. And all she had said was 'It's okay'.

Kathy flashed him a small but reassuring smile "We've been lying to ourselves for years," she began "I think you feel it too sometimes. That's why you started working late at night, long before Olivia was your partner. We've been broken for a long time and there's no way we can fix us. You and I, neither of us is happy with this thing we've got going. There's so much give and take and push and pull that the tension has built up to the point where we're near exploding." She shifted Eli into her arms and took another deep breath "If what you need is permission Elliot, then I hereby set you free of this floundering marriage. You shouldn't feel guilty because you're in love though."

Eli began to fuss and Kathy got out of her seat, pacing back and forth in the waiting room. Elliot just watched her. He couldn't help feeling guilty, but his guilt lay in missed opportunities and chances that might never come again. For God sake this wasn't the first time that he'd come close to losing Olivia, but it could very well be the last. What had to happen for him to speak up?

Together they were an unbeatable force. He knew that if he had stayed with her that morning, she would be fine right now. She would have never been in danger in the first place.

He looked up at the hands of the wall clock. Each second that ticked by was one that he would never have with Olivia. She had to be alright. She had to make it. She was strong. She could pull through this. She just had to. He needed to let her know the truth. She deserved that from him. She deserved someone who would love her and treat her like the princess that she was.

The moments just kept ticking away though. The seconds turned into minutes and the minutes to hours. Kathy occasionally offered him a word of comfort but he barely heard her. Munch, Fin and Lake showed up around four in the afternoon with coffee and hot chocolate for everyone. Cragen showed up at six to tell Elliot that IAB had decided not to charge him in Harris's death. Still the moments slipped away.

At exactly seven thirty-one and twenty-five seconds Olivia's doctor, the one who had blocked Elliot's way earlier, appeared in the doorway. Everyone sprang to their feet, desperate to know what her condition was, but none were more desperate than Elliot.

"She's out of surgery," the doctor began "The knife nicked her liver but the damage wasn't as bad as it could have been. There was massive internal bleeding from the beating and she's got a broken rib and two cracked ones."

"Is she gonna be okay?" Elliot was the first to ask.

The doctor smiled softly in Elliot's direction "She's been through the ringer but with a lot of rest and time to heal, her prognosis looks excellent."

"Can we see her?" Cragen asked before Elliot had fully processed what the doctor had told him.

She was going to be alright. He looked up at the clock again and vowed not to let any time slip away from him again.

"She's resting right now. I wouldn't feel comfortable letting more than one person in at a time."

Cragen and the others conceded to Elliot. He was after all the one who Olivia felt most comfortable with. And considering everything she'd been through, he was the obvious choice.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She lay in bed, monitors and IVs surrounding her. She felt small and alone in this place. She let her eyes drift closed again and the horrible images of what Harris had done to her flashed in front of her. She gasped and her eyes flew open again and she very nearly sat up when her eyes locked with his. "El…" she exhaled a little raspily.

"Hey," he smiled warmly at her "How do you feel?"

It was then that she realized for the first time that he was holding her hand. She squeezed his hand tight, trying to convey so many things that she didn't want to say into that simple gesture. She turned her head to the side so she could see him clearer "Harris?" she asked "Is he…?"

"He's dead," Elliot replied. It didn't surprise him that she didn't remember what had happened after she had been stabbed. She had lost a lot of blood very quickly.

She sighed in relief. Her free hand aimlessly moved under the sheets to where a bandage covered the slash on her right breast. She shuddered "I was hoping it was all a nightmare," she whispered in a small voice.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, lifting her hand and wrapping both of his around it "But he's gone now."

Her free hand moved from her breast to the dressing on her abdomen "Oh God," she whispered as the memories washed over her in a flood of horrifically realistic sensations. She pulled her hand away from the dressing quickly and tried to cover her eyes as tears spilled over down the sides of her face. "No," she whispered.

"It's okay," Elliot whispered soothingly "You're safe now."

She nodded, lowering her hand and gazing at him with watery eyes "Thank you," she sobbed before hiding her face from view and withdrawing her hand from his.

"I should let you get some rest," Elliot stood up awkwardly, leaning over to try to see her face. He could here her crying and knew that she felt ashamed. It had been obvious even seeing her from a distance, laying on the ground, it had been obvious to all of them what she'd had to endure. He pulled the sheet away from her face where she was clutching it "If you need anything," he told her.

She looked up at him and he saw terror in her eyes "I know," she whispered, trying to hide her face from him again.

"Sweetheart," he whispered gently "Please don't hide from me, please."

There was something in his tone of voice that made her not want to push him away. She ceased her attempt to hide her face and looked up into his eyes "Elliot," she sobbed, reaching out to him.

He gently wrapped her in his arms, trying not to disturb and of the equipment. He sat gently on the edge of the bed "I'm here Liv. I'm right here."

She buried her face in his chest "He raped me," she sobbed, balling his shirt in her hands "I was so scared."

"I know honey," he held her as tight as he dared "I know."

Olivia looked up into his face as tears continued to pour down her face "I know… this is a lot to ask but… could you… could you…" she looked down again, pressing herself as close to him as possible. This was where she felt safe and if she could only have him beside her for a little while, she wanted to be able to remember it.

"What is it?" he asked. He moved his hand to stroke her hair "I'd do anything for you, you know that."

She looked up at him again. She didn't want to be alone right now "Could you…" she started again "Please… stay with me… Just for tonight… please?"

She hid her face again, half expecting him to instantly pull away from her and leave. He surprised her when he gently guided her face so that she was staring into her eyes "Of course I will," he promised.


	5. Chapter 5: Love and Trust

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 5: Love and Trust**

Elliot woke up in the middle of the night to hear Olivia whimpering in her sleep. He looked down at her. He hated what Harris had done to her and wished he could help her. But all he could do was hold her as tight and as close as he dared.

"Please…" he heard her mumble "Stop…"

He shook her gently "Honey, it's okay. It's just a nightmare," he whispered over and over again "You're safe. I promise you, you're safe."

She opened her eyes. Her gaze was wide and terror filled at first and then Elliot's face came into focus. She buried her face in his chest again and began to cry "Oh God," she was shaking all over and Elliot pulled the blankets tighter around both of them. "Oh God," she repeated.

"It's okay," Elliot promised as he began to rub her back slowly "He can't hurt you anymore."

She began to sob uncontrollably "I know," she whispered when she could breathe. She hated what had happened to her, she hated that she was so afraid.

A nurse came into the room to check Olivia's vital signs. Olivia was forced to separate from Elliot for a few minutes and Elliot was asked to get out of the bed. He decided to go to the bathroom instead of staying with Olivia. That ended up being the wrong choice.

When he returned to the room, Olivia was flailing and screaming at the male nurse who was trying to calm her down but not successfully.

"What the hell happened?" Elliot asked, coming over to the bedside.

"I opened her gown to adjust one of the sensors on the heart monitor," the confused looking young man explained "She wouldn't let me touch her."

Elliot understood instantly "Get out of here," he told the nurse.

"But the sensor…" the man protested.

"Get a female nurse to do it," Elliot hissed.

The young man left the room and Elliot turned his attention to Olivia. She had remained still as could be ever since Elliot had returned but her breathing was fast and her eyes were shut tight.

Elliot took her hand "I'm sorry," he whispered "I didn't even think…"

"It's okay," Olivia whispered, squeezing his hand tight "I didn't think I'd react like that either," she scooted over and let Elliot climb back into bed with her. He wrapped his arms around her tight and she continued "I was fine with the blood pressure cuff and the thermometer but when he said he had to adjust one of the sensors… I don't know… the second he opened my gown," she hid her face in Elliot's chest again "It was so afraid he was going to hurt me," she whispered.

"I'm so sorry," Elliot whispered, rubbing her back again. He hadn't wanted to be responsible for ever putting her in a situation that would leave her feeling so vulnerable and afraid.

They lay like that for a few minutes before another nurse entered. This one, a female who had read Olivia's chart and had an idea of what she'd been through, spoke softly to both of them. "My name's Amelia," she gently laid her hand on the pillow beside Olivia's head "I have to adjust one of the sensors for the heart monitor," she explained "We're not getting a clear enough reading."

Olivia nodded and took in a deep breath. She still wasn't entirely comfortable with anyone touching her chest. If she hadn't been under anesthesia the first time that the wound on her breast had been dressed and the monitor put in place, she would have fought the doctors off of her with everything she had.

"I'm not gonna leave you this time," Elliot whispered, squeezing her gently.

Olivia almost shuddered. She didn't want Elliot to see that wound. She closed her eyes "Promise not to look?" she whispered back desperately.

"Of course," Elliot reassured her. He would never look at her breasts without permission of some sort.

Olivia turned to the nurse "Okay," she finally said.

Elliot started to separate himself from her side even though he sensed that she wanted him next to her. The nurse noticed and smiled at Elliot "No need to get up," she told him "I've got pleanty of room to work."

Elliot curled up beside Olivia again and shut his eyes "You okay?" he asked as he laid his head near hers. He could hear the sound of rustling fabric and Olivia's breathing beginning to come faster.

She answered him with a rather squeaky affirmative murmur as her hand searched for his and squeezed it so tight that she very nearly cut off circulation. She didn't know why she felt so scared, well she knew but she hated that knowing why did nothing to lessen the fear.

"It's alright," Elliot whispered to her "You know I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."

"I know," she whispered back. It was true, he would protect her with everything that he had. She took a deep breath and looked down at her chest. The large, shapeless bundle of gauze and tape that covered the slash across her breast stared back at her. She had to look away and she was all too glad when the nurse closed the gown and rearranged the covers.

"All done," Amelia smiled, patting Olivia on the shoulder gently "Try and get some sleep, both of you. I'll be in to check your vitals before my shift ends," she turned and left Olivia and Elliot to themselves.

"It must be so late," Olivia said finally, realizing how foolish she had been to ask that Elliot remain with her "You should probably go before Kathy loses it."

Elliot sighed, moving his hand to start stroking Olivia's hair again "She's not gonna lose anything Liv," he told her "I don't have to leave unless you really want me too."

Olivia sighed and snuggled close to him again. She felt guilty for finding safety in the arms of her married partner but her fear of being alone with her thoughts was so overwhelming that she tried to push the guilt to the back of her mind and allow herself to feel safe if even for a moment.

Elliot smiled softly down at her "Hey Liv…?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah?" she opened one eye and peered up at him questioningly.

"Would it be okay with you if I kissed you like I did last night?" he sounded nervous. It was wrong to want to kiss her. He knew he shouldn't push her to make any sort of intimate contact she wasn't ready for. But he wasn't pushing, he was only asking, she could say no if she wanted to. He hoped with all his heart that she didn't say no.

She looked up at him in utter confusion. She didn't understand. He wanted to kiss her. Why her? If he wanted to kiss anyone, he could go home and kiss his wife. Sure they had kissed in her apartment, twice and it wasn't as if kissing him was unpleasant, quite the opposite. But Kathy kept creeping into Olivia's mind. She cleared her throat softly "El…?" she asked "Why is it that Kathy doesn't have a problem with you being here?"

Elliot cleared his own throat and shifted uncomfortably. He didn't want to have to admit to Olivia that he was in love with her, not yet anyway. It was too soon; she had enough to deal with without dealing with the whole new set of issues that came with his true feelings. He couldn't lay all of this out in front of her, not yet.

She looked up at him with concern in her eyes. Why wasn't he answering "Elliot…?" she whispered seriously, pulling back from him slightly "Is something wrong?"

"No," he answered her a little too quickly "Never mind. Try to get some sleep."

"Elliot," Olivia repeated. Something was up and she wasn't gonna stop until she got the truth.

Elliot groaned. Though he really didn't want to talk about this right now, he couldn't help rejoicing inside. Under all the fear and pain, she was still there, still pushing him to spill his guts, still being able to read his expressions as clear as if they were bold type newspaper headlines. And it was just that small bit of joy that entered his heart that made him realize that she was in fact strong enough to handle his confession.

He cleared his throat, knowing she could handle it didn't make it any easier to start talking. As he thought about how to phrase his words perfectly, she once again proved her never ending capacity for compassion, understanding and love.

She took his hand and lifted it between them, holding it tight as she smiled reassuringly at him "El, you can tell me anything," she whispered.

Tears came to his eyes and he pulled her close again. Without even thinking, he simply blurted out "I love you."

She didn't pull away, she couldn't. She knew her feelings for him were the same but she had to convince him that his feelings were an illusion. She had to let him know that what he was feeling was just fear. She buried her face in his chest, wanting to enjoy the moments before she would have to let go. "What?" she asked in a muffled tone of surprise.

He found his mouth running dry "I love you, Liv, I love you," he found himself repeating the words. It felt so freeing to say them out loud. He had no idea how much better he would feel once he said it. Then, just as quickly as his heart had lifted, it sank again. Olivia wasn't saying anything. Maybe it was too soon after all?

She reluctantly pulled herself back so he could look at him "El… You… you can't…" she took a deep breath, trying to organize her thoughts "What about your family, you shouldn't even be here right now, you should be at home with them," she tried to curl up into a ball, separating herself from his as much as possible. She didn't want to but she had to do this for him. She'd seen how it had destroyed him to lose his family once. She could not, would not be responsible for crushing him like that again, little did she know that's what she was doing.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, trying to reach out for her "Please don't hate me?" he nearly begged. She would have every right to kick him out of her hospital room and out of her life.

She didn't however. As much as she tried to convince herself to push him away for his sake, she needed him. She needed him beside her right now. She curled up into his embrace "I could never hate you," she nuzzled up against him and found comfort there.

Elliot was content to just drop the subject as much as he wanted her to know that he was never going to leave her, that he would stick with her through everything. He closed his eyes and just let himself be there with her.

Olivia however couldn't let it go so easily. Against her own better judgment, she asked in a tiny voice "You didn't really mean that did you?"

"Of course I did," Elliot replied without a thought. He didn't once consider backtracking or telling her that it had come out wrong. He couldn't lie to her about something like that.

She regretted pressing the issue "How can you say something like that?" she asked. It was all she had ever wanted since before she could remember, to be loved by someone with such a kind heart but she wasn't worthy, not of being loved by this man.

"Because it's true," he stated plainly, his eyes beginning to water again "I should have told you a long time ago. I don't know if it would have protected you from all this but maybe…"

Olivia reached up and touched his face "Don't think that way," she told him "Please don't blame yourself for this," she looked away for a moment "And please don't go telling me you love me if you're only trying to make guilt that you shouldn't even be feeling disappear."

"That's not why I'm telling you," he insisted "I do love you. I've been falling in love with you for years and I wish it hadn't taken me so long to tell you."

"For years," Olivia repeated in a low whisper. He couldn't mean that? If that were true then they'd both been acting like a couple of idiots for probably the last year and a half at least. "You can't say that," she warned him. Things like that were to dangerous to be said. Those were career jeopardizing, marriage ruining words.

"It's true," he told her softly "I know you probably don't feel the same way and you probably don't want to deal with anything even resembling a relationship right now but…"

Olivia silenced him with a finger over his mouth. She had to end his suffering "I do feel the same way," she whispered. She smiled slightly as she leaned in and gave him the kiss he'd been pleading for earlier "I wouldn't want anyone else here with me but what about your family El? You can't do this to them. I don't want you to wind up hating me."

"I could never hate you," he told her honestly.

"But what about…" Olivia began to protest but Elliot stopped her.

"Kathy understood long before I was able to," he squeezed her hand "I think she's made her peace with it," he bent his head and pressed his lips to her forehead "Why can't you accept that I love you?"

"It's new for me," she whispered "It's just that… when you say it, I believe you."

"I don't see the problem," Elliot chuckled slightly.

"It's just…" Olivia began "I can't let myself believe those words."

"What?" Elliot asked in confusion.

"Never mind," Olivia pretended to stifle a yawn, now more than willing to drop the topic "Can we talk about this later, I'm really tired," she closed her eyes and allowed herself to be wrapped up in Elliot's arms.

Elliot nodded. He was more than willing to let the topic go now. They both needed their rest. He laid his head down beside hers and closed his eyes. It was an odd sort of peace they had come to, she admitted she felt the same, that she didn't want him to leave her tonight but she said that she couldn't accept that he did truly love her. The glaring contradiction stuck in his mind and he found it hard to sleep. He had been too quick to tell her. That was the one thing he kept coming back to. His timing was all messed up.

He could think of so many much better times that he could have told her if he had been willing to admit it then. The early hours of the morning on the front stoop of his apartment building, back when he had an apartment. He'd felt so close to her that night but he didn't act on his feelings, he wished he had.

Finally, he drifted off to sleep, lost in his own thoughts.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He was standing on the edge of a cliff, staring at an utter impossibility "But… but…" he sputtered "You're dead."

"That's what you thought," Lowell Harris grinned evilly at him "But as you can see, I'm very much alive." He took a step forward and punched Elliot in the gut, sending him over the cliff.

Elliot managed to hold on to the edge. He tried looking for a way to climb down. There was none. He knew he wouldn't be able to climb up as long as Harris was standing there above him, ready to knock him down again.

Harris knelt down and glared at Elliot. He grinned wickedly "Look down," he instructed.

Elliot didn't know why but he did as he was told. He looked down at the ground at least sixty feet below him and wished he hadn't. There, body twisted and broken, bruised and bleeding lay Olivia.

"No," he whispered. He began looking desperately for a way to climb down yet again and still found no way.

"Oh yes," Harris said with a laugh "I killed her. I violated and beat her until she screamed for mercy, then I ended it."

Elliot glared up at him, overpowered by rage. He attempted to pull himself up "I'll make sure you're dead this time you son of a bitch!" he screamed.

"I don't think so," Harris said, stomping on Elliot's hand and sending him over the cliff.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot woke up on the floor of the hospital room. He felt the ache in his muscles as he stretched and sat up. Immediately, his gaze went to the bed, Olivia lay there, asleep but not at all appearing peaceful. He picked himself up and sat down in a nearby chair, pulling it up as close to the bedside as he could.

After a nightmare like that, he didn't think he'd be getting anymore sleep that night. He made a mental note to drop by the morgue later that day and see Harris's body for himself, just to make doubly sure he was dead. He watched Olivia sleep and took her hand and held it tight. He watched over her as she slept.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She was floating, floating above the ground, staring at her own lifeless body. She heard voices in the distance. People were coming but she was already beyond help, she knew that. She stared down as the scene unfolded before her.

Elliot was the first to arrive. He threw his jacket over her naked form and cradled her head in his lap. He was crying "Come on," he begged "Olivia open your eyes, please."

She watched him falling apart in front of her and could do nothing to comfort him. She was helpless. All she wanted to do was reach out and hold him "El," she tried to call his name but it came out barely above a whisper.

"Dear God," he began to sob, holding his fingers to the pulse point on her neck "No, please no."

She could do nothing but watch him self-destruct. She watched as Cragen came up beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder, as the medical examiner came and placed her into a body bag. She watched as Elliot fell to the ground where her body had been and openly wept. She was powerless to help him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Her eyes popped open. The first thing she was blissfully aware of was the wonderful fact that she was not dead. The second thing she realized was that Elliot was no longer in the bed beside her. Finally she realized that he was holding her hand.

She turned her head and smiled at him where he sat in the chair "Hey," she rasped in a voice heavy with sleep.

"You alright?" Elliot asked, looking at her with concern and what she finally realized and allowed herself to accept as love.

Olivia was about to answer him when Amelia entered. She came over to Olivia's bedside "My shift's almost over," she said with an air of relief as she took out the blood pressure cuff. She began to talk to both Elliot and Olivia as she took the readings "I made sure to put a note on your chart that a female nurse should change your dressings for you today," she told Olivia. She stepped back and looked at both of them "You know, I've been doing this job a long time and I don't remember seeing a pair so devoted to each other as you. How long have you two been married?"

Elliot and Olivia looked at each other and blushed "We aren't actually…" Olivia began.

"Well, we…" Elliot found his mouth running dry.

It was Amelia's turn to blush "Oh… I'm sorry… I just assumed," she hid her face for a moment. "Okay," she began when she'd regained her composure "I'll probably see both of you tonight when my next shift starts." She hurriedly left the room.

The two partners stared at each other for a long time. Olivia was the one spoke first "Are you feeling okay?" she asked, sensing that Amelia's comment had made him a little uncomfortable.

"Yeah," he replied. It wasn't what Amelia had said that made him feel uncomfortable. His nightmare was still fresh in his mind. He didn't want to leave Olivia's side for a second but he had to see the body with his own eyes. He squeezed Olivia's hand tight and smiled softly at her.

She moved over in the bed to make room for him again. She was surprised when he hesitated. "El…?" she asked "Are you sure everything's okay?"

Everything was far from okay. Not only had Olivia almost died because he hadn't thought that Harris would know where she lived let alone be granted bail in the first place but now he doubted that Harris was truly dead. She could still be in danger and it was entirely his fault. He settled down in the narrow bed beside her and wrapped her up in his arms once again. "You know, I fell out of this damned thing a few hours ago," he told her with a grin.

"Ouch," she grinned slightly at him "Want me to kiss you and make it better?"

"Sure," he chuckled "I landed on my ass."

She swatted at his chest and laughed, honestly laughed. It was a clear beautiful laugh. Elliot loved that laugh. Then she did something that surprised him, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his with an intensity that nearly made him fall out of the bed again.

"You'll have to settle for that," she told him with a wink.

Elliot pulled her to his chest "I think I can live with that," he smiled. His face fell into seriousness once again "You know I'd never put you in danger."

Olivia let out a small sigh. She wasn't used to depending on someone as much as she had unknowingly come to depend on Elliot over the past nine years "I know," she allowed herself to smile just a little into his chest.

Elliot pulled the blankets up around both of them. He waited until he thought Olivia was asleep then bent down, planting a kiss on her forehead "I love you," he whispered.

"I believe you," she whispered back "And I love you too."


	6. Chapter 6: An Unlikely Friend

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 6: An Unlikely Friend**

She couldn't fall back asleep. As tired as she was and as relaxed as she felt in Elliot's arms, she didn't dare drift off. She wasn't sure what sort of heartbreaking, terrifying scenario her mind would cook up if she allowed herself to fall asleep. But she was so tired, her body was depleted of all but the tiniest bit of energy and she hadn't gotten enough sleep thus far to replenish it.

Elliot too did not wish to fall asleep. He kept thinking about Harris. Had he really killed the son of a bitch? He must have. He remembered throwing the man's body to the side like a limp rag doll. Harris had been motionless and bleeding. Only one ambulance had come, as far as he knew. Of course, he hadn't waited around to see if any other paramedics showed up for Harris, but he was sure that someone would have told him if Harris wasn't dead.

He would go to the morgue that day, just to make sure. But what if Harris was still alive? What if he was leaving Olivia alone and putting her in danger? So many possibilities swarmed around his brain. He just held on to Olivia and prayed that he wouldn't make the wrong choice.

The sun began to lighten what little sky could be seen through the windows of the room. Olivia moaned in displeasure. She didn't want to deal with a new day, not just yet. But in a hospital, there is very little time for even the patients to rest, especially someone who had sustained such severe injuries as Olivia had. It wasn't long before the door of the room opened and a young, female doctor entered.

"Good morning," the young woman said, far too chipper for such an early hour "My name is Doctor Carlson." She walked over to the bedside "How are you feeling this morning?" she asked Olivia.

Olivia looked up at her and groaned "Okay, I guess," she mumbled.

"You're not experiencing any pain are you?" Dr. Carlson asked.

Olivia turned to Elliot, looking a little embarrassed "Could you go outside for a little?" she nearly pleaded.

Elliot smiled gently at her, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear "Sure," he said understandingly "I'll be right outside if you need me," he rose from the bed and walked out of the room.

Olivia turned back to Dr. Carlson. She pointed first to the stab wound on her stomach "It's very painful," she whispered.

"I'll see if I can get them to give you more IV pain meds," Dr. Carlson made a note on the pad she was holding. She leaned in a little closer, knowing that there were a few even more sensitive areas where Olivia had been injured. She waited patiently for Olivia to speak.

Olivia's hand came to rest on her right breast "Will it leave a scar?" she asked in a terrified whisper.

Dr Carlson nodded somberly "It was a pretty deep cut. Hopefully the scar that's left when you've healed up won't be that noticeable but…" the young woman looked down at the floor for just a second, seemingly having lost her composure "I'm sorry, it will leave a scar." Dr. Carlson's hand went subconsciously to her own breast for a moment before she pulled it away as if the contact had burned her.

Dr. Carlson cleared her throat softly before continuing "Have you been offered the morning after pill?" she asked quietly, reaching for Olivia's hand.

Olivia looked away for a second "I was in surgery a long time," she murmured "No one said anything to me about it and… I guess I forgot," that was a lie. She hadn't forgotten, she just felt uncomfortable talking about it in front of Elliot.

"I could bring it for you now if you'd like," Dr. Carlson spoke with such understanding and compassion that Olivia allowed herself to feel safe around the woman.

"Okay," Olivia finally said, looking towards the door with a slightly shy gaze.

"Shall I tell your husband to stay outside for a little while longer?" Dr. Carlson asked.

"Um…" Olivia trailed off. That was the second time someone had mistaken them as husband and wife "He's not my… but yeah, I don't think I want to have this discussion with him right now."

Dr. Carlson nodded "I'll be right back," she assured Olivia.

While Dr. Carlson was out of the room Elliot poked his head in for a second just to check on her "Hey," he grinned "Am I gonna have to stand out here forever?"

Olivia took in a deep breath and let it out shakily "If you keep whining about it…" she trailed off, her comeback sounding weak and timid.

Elliot took a cautious step into the room "Liv…?" he trailed off, looking into her eyes "What's going on?"

Dr. Carlson returned to the room at that moment and shoed Elliot away. In the hall, Elliot peered around the doorframe, watching as the doctor handed Olivia a pill and a glass of water. He realized what it was and decided he wouldn't force her to tell him about it. He was glad though that she had made the decision. He didn't think he could have been able to offer her any helpful advice on the subject.

Dr. Carlson exited the room shortly thereafter. She turned to Elliot with a look of disapproval "Don't spy on her. Even if you were her husband, nothing gives you the right," she turned and walked away.

Elliot entered the room and sat on the edge of Olivia's bed "Everything okay?" he asked.

"What did she say to you?" Olivia looked up at him with a questioning gaze. She had heard Dr. Carlson speak but hadn't heard the exact words.

"Nothing much," he told her "Just that I should give you your privacy."

"Oh," Olivia murmured. A little privacy was good but she hoped that Elliot wouldn't pull away completely. She'd never believed that she needed anyone but little by little, that notion was being chipped away. She needed somebody, especially now and that somebody she needed was Elliot.

"Listen," Elliot took her hand in his "I've got some paperwork at the precinct that I should really finish up," he didn't want her to know about his nightmare or how he had begun to doubt that Harris was in fact dead "Do you want me to call someone to come sit with you?"

She gave him the answer he was expecting to here "No, I'll be fine."

"Oh well," he shrugged. Part of the time he had been waiting in the hallway, he had called Kathy and asked her if she could bring Eli for a visit. Kathy had said yes.

Olivia recognized the look on her partner's face "What did you do?" she asked, feigning anger. Truthfully, she wouldn't mind if she had some company during the day.

"Oh… nothing," Elliot blatantly lied.

"Don't give me that," Olivia objected with a grin as a woman brought in a tray of food for Olivia.

Olivia wasn't very hungry as all and the cold hospital scrambled eggs and the undercooked toast along with watered down juice did very little to stimulate her appetite. Still, Elliot insisted that she try to eat something so she tried.

After pushing the eggs around the plate uninterestedly and having only eaten two bites of soggy bread that was meant to resemble toast, she pushed the table that the tray sat on aside "What did you do?" she asked again, getting back to the subject at hand.

A chorus of 'Aw' came from the hallway and above that sound came the pure laughter of a baby. Elliot smiled softly "You're about to find out," he told her.

When Kathy walked through the door of the room, carrying Eli in his car seat, Olivia very nearly gasped. She wasn't sure that it was appropriate for Elliot to have called Kathy. Olivia wondered if Kathy really did understand as Elliot had told her or not.

Kathy simply smiled brightly at Olivia and took a seat in the chair beside her bed. She lifted Eli out of his car seat and turned him to face in Olivia's direction "Can you say hi?" she asked as she bounced the baby gently on her knee. Eli simply giggled and waved in Olivia's direction.

Olivia raised her hand and waved it gently "Hi there," she smiled.

Elliot stood up and cleared his throat a bit nervously; he was beginning to doubt his decision "Okay," he began "I should be back in an hour or two." He bent down and places a kiss to Eli's forehead "See you later," he spoke directly to the baby because it suddenly felt to awkward to look anywhere else.

He managed to catch a glimpse of Olivia out of the corner of his eye on his way out. For once, he couldn't read her expression. Not knowing whether she was pissed off and not knowing exactly how pissed off she was scared the crap out of him. He walked out of the hospital and to the nearest bus stop, wondering just what in the world he had done.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So…" Kathy began. She didn't want her relationship with Olivia to be strained or awkward. She had meant it when she told Elliot she wanted him to be happy. For the sake of her soon to be ex and of her children, she had to manage to somehow not feel awkward around this woman.

Then Kathy realized she was getting ahead of herself when she saw the look on Olivia's face. Olivia felt just as awkward and shy as Kathy herself did. That plus Olivia was in the hospital after being attacked by a madman; Kathy didn't know the specifics but she had a general idea. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Olivia looked away. It wasn't Kathy in particular that made her look away, it was the question. There was no right way to answer it. Saying 'I'm fine' was a lie and such an obvious one at that. And telling the truth was just too painful for Olivia to deal with right now.

Kathy sensed Olivia's hesitation and tried to steer the conversation onto another topic "Dickie and Lizzie are both trying out for track this spring," she offered meekly with a shrug.

"That's good," Olivia turned back to Kathy "What events specifically?"

"Lizzie's doing the hurtles and the javelin," Kathy smiled proudly "I'm positive she'll make the team."

"And Dickie?" Olivia pressed eagerly.

"Long jump and he's gonna try to see if he can set a new school record for the mile," Kathy answered with a smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There he is," Melinda Warner placed her hand on Elliot's shoulder as he looked down at the clearly dead body of Lowell Harris.

"Thank God," Elliot murmured. He hadn't been sure, not even after Melinda told him that she still had Harris's body stored there, that he really was dead.

"Why did you need to see the body?" Melinda asked.

Elliot took a deep breath and turned to her "I just wanted to be sure," he said honestly.

"Well," Melinda lifted her hand from Elliot's shoulder and gestured at the body "You can't be more sure than this."

Elliot chuckled humorlessly "I guess not," he replied. Harris would never hurt another woman, specifically he would never hurt Olivia again that was the important thing.

Elliot turned to walk out of the morgue when Melinda stopped him "How's Olivia doing?" she asked softly.

"She's alive," he answered. That was what mattered, she was alive. The long and painful recovery ahead, both physical and emotional one were a whole other challenge, one he prayed he would be strong enough to help her through. But at least he would get the opportunity to help her through it instead of having the only thing he could do for her be to lay flowers at her grave.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"He didn't, did he?" Olivia asked in shock, trying hard not to laugh. The wound in her stomach throbbed painfully every time she did.

"I kid you not," Kathy replied with a wide grin "He tripped right over the sprinkler and fell flat on his face in front of my parents."

"Poor thing," Olivia smirked.

"That's just the beginning," Kathy continued regaling Olivia with the story of Elliot's first introduction to her parents after she'd found out she was pregnant with Maureen. "When he tripped, he accidentally turned the sprinkler on.

"Oh no," Olivia clasped a hand to her mouth. Earlier in the story, Kathy had stated how Elliot was desperate to make a good first impression "What happened?" she desperately wanted to know.

"My father turned to me while Elliot was trying to ring out his suit coat and said "Kathleen Elizabeth Stewart, you have just made the biggest mistake of your life"," Kathy grew silent and Olivia looked up at her. After a moment Kathy continued with another small shrug "He said that practically everyday until Elliot and I got married and moved out from under our parents roofs."

"I'm sorry Kathy," Olivia whispered.

"I never let him see Maureen or any of the other kids when they were born," Kathy told her "I let my mom come and stay with us after the twins were born but that was about it." Kathy adjusted Eli in her arms as painful memories came back to her "When I first told my mom I was pregnant, she couldn't stop crying for days."

Olivia felt her eyes beginning to glaze over "I'm so sorry," she whispered as she used the corner of the sheet to wipe at her eyes.

A nurse came into the room to change the dressings on Olivia's wounds. It wasn't a female nurse as Amelia had promised and Olivia stared up at the man with wide eyes.

The man was a single minded person. He had volunteered to change Olivia's bandages because he had seen that one of her injuries was on her breast. He wasn't overtly perverted, or at least that's what he believed. He just wanted to see them and get a chance to touch the injured one.

Kathy noticed Olivia's reaction even before the man started to open the hospital gown. Kathy had seen more than a few rape victims in her time as a nurse and knew the looks that they usually gave to the doctors or the male nurses. Most of them jumped from the bed and huddled in the corner, telling everyone around them to go away, but Olivia, being hooked up to so many machines, including the IV, did not have that option.

"Excuse me," Kathy said loudly to the nurse, clearing her throat.

The man merely nodded in her direction before opening the gown, exposing Olivia's breasts. Olivia whimpered and tried to push him away but he was persistent. "This will only take a minute," he assured her as her breathing became faster and she opened her mouth to scream.

"Back off," Kathy said sharply, slapping the man's hands away and throwing the sheet over Olivia's chest.

"What?" he looked at her in confusion and anger "She needs to have her bandages changed."

"Then get a female nurse to do it," Kathy hissed.

"They're all busy," he protested pitifully.

"Then leave the materials," Kathy told him "I'll do it myself."

The man stared her down for a long time but finally conceded, throwing the gauze and surgical tape at her and storming out of the room.

Kathy looked down at Olivia whose breathing hadn't returned to normal yet "It's alright," Kathy assured her gently, placing her hand on Olivia's shoulder and rubbing slowly "It's alright."

Olivia began to calm down "Thanks," she said quietly.

"I'm gonna make sure that someone straightens him out," Kathy said with an evil smile.

"Elliot?" Olivia said questioningly.

"Elliot," Kathy confirmed, her evil smile growing wider. "How do people like that even get jobs in the first place?" she mused as she picked up the gauze and surgical tape "Are you going to be comfortable if I do this?" she asked a bit nervously.

Olivia took a deep breath "Yeah," she finally whispered, better that Kathy see her injuries than have that guy feel her up.

Kathy pulled the sheet down as behind her Eli giggled away, shaking his rattle "Just let me know if you want me to stop," she said encouragingly. She saw the bandage on Olivia's right breast and began to peel it back as gently and as quickly as possible. Unfortunately there was no such thing as gentle when it came to pulling off bandages, especially bandages that were attached to such sensitive areas. When she had finished peeling the bandage away and had dropped it into a nearby trash can, she looked down at the slash in absolute shock and horror. Never could she have imagined someone doing something like that.

Olivia saw the look on Kathy's face "It's bad, isn't it?" she asked timidly.

Kathy realized her mistake and tried to make it go away "It's a cut, that's all, probably won't even leave a scar," she lied.

"Nice try," Olivia said flatly.

"Well…" Kathy felt even more awkward than she had ever felt talking to Olivia "If it does leave a scar, I'm sure you probably won't even notice it."

"Please stop trying to make it sound like it isn't a big deal?" Olivia pleaded.

"Okay," Kathy agreed, just deciding to drop the subject. She cleaned the wound and put fresh gauze on it. She changed the bandage on Olivia's abdomen without any incident and returned to her seat, picking Eli up from his car seat.

Silence reigned between the two women for a while, silence punctuated by Eli's attempts at attention. Finally, Olivia spoke in a quiet, almost terrified voice "You won't tell Elliot…?" she trailed off.

Kathy leaned forward in her seat, knowing exactly what Olivia meant "Of course not," she promised "But trust me. He won't love you any less because of it."

Olivia looked away again. Deep down she knew that was the truth, still she was afraid that if anything ever happened between them, he would see the scar and be reminded. She knew she would be reminded of course and she was sure that she wouldn't be ready for anything to happen for a while, but she was afraid that he wouldn't want to touch her if he saw that scar. She hid her face from view as her eyes began to water.

Kathy was about to say something else reassuring when Elliot sauntered into the hospital room. He looked from one woman to the other and became worried "Is something wrong?" he asked the room in general.


	7. Chapter 7: Love, Laughter and Cake

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 7: Love, Laughter and Cake**

"He didn't touch her," Kathy repeated to try to calm Elliot's anger. The two of them stood in the hall outside Olivia's room as they discussed what had happened while Elliot was a way.

Elliot still fumed "That son-of-a-bitch," he hissed "I'll kill him."

"She's alright," Kathy told him "Well," she amended, looking down for a moment "As alright as anyone can expect."

Elliot turned and headed towards the nurse's station "Which one is he?" he asked.

Kathy sighed and pointed him out "That one," she told him. As Elliot headed towards the young man, Kathy grabbed his arm "Just promise me one thing."

"What?" Elliot asked, spinning around to face her.

"Just try… For Olivia's sake… just try… don't end up getting arrested. She needs you right now," Kathy told him honestly. She turned back towards Olivia's room and went inside.

Olivia was making faces at Eli as he sat in his car seat on the chair. Eli was giggling infectiously and waving his tiny arms in the air back at her. Kathy walked over and picked up her youngest son "You two having fun?" she asked the bouncing baby.

Olivia sighed heavily "He started crying a little after you left. I wanted to be able to hold him."

Kathy sat down and balanced Eli on her lap "I know," she said softly. Olivia's bruised and fractured ribs plus the stab wound in her abdomen made holding a baby out of the question until she had healed. "Don't worry," she smiled softly "You'll be able to hold him soon enough."

Olivia nodded and allowed her eyes to drift closed. Soon enough would never be soon enough.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The days dragged by and slowly turned into weeks. Olivia never saw a male nurse again after Elliot had a "chat" with the man who had tried to grope her. Elliot would stay with her most days but when he couldn't, Kathy would bring Eli and would sit with her. Slowly, Olivia and Kathy became friends.

It had been six weeks since Harris had so brutally attacked Olivia and she was developing cabin fever. It was early on a Saturday morning when Elliot rolled a wheelchair into the room "Hey," he smiled at Olivia as she rested in an upright position in her bed up in bed. The sun streamed through the windows and gave her unkempt hair the appearance of a halo.

"Hey yourself," she smiled back at him softly as she pushed the table that her breakfast tray sat on away from her "What's with the wheels?"

Elliot came closer to the bed. He moved to sit in the chair when he caught a glimpse of the breakfast tray. It looked as if it had just as much food on it as it had when he left to go retrieve the wheelchair. He pointed to the tray and looked at Olivia "You know, you really should eat something Liv."

She looked up at him and shrugged "I guess hospital food doesn't agree with me," she offered as explanation.

Elliot looked at her skeptically. She'd lost a good ten pounds since she'd been hospitalized. She looked fragile, almost like a paper doll. He had thought for weeks that it was caused entirely by her injuries but now he thought that there was more to it than that.

He sat down on the edge of the bed beside her "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. They talked about it every single night when he lay in bed beside her. But he hated himself for not picking up on this before.

"Elliot," Olivia's tone was stern though she smiled at him "I told you, the food sucks," she paused for effect and then abruptly changed the subject "So," she pointed to the wheelchair "Why'd you bring me a wheelchair?" She hadn't suffered any nerve damage, in fact, the doctor had recently told her that she would be able to walk short distances without too much pain.

"I thought you might want to go on a tour," Elliot smiled, wrapping an arm gently around her shoulders.

Olivia looked up at him questioningly "A tour?" she asked incredulously "What's there to see? Patients, doctors, nurses, halls," she rattled of the list of fairly boring things.

"I thought you might like a change of scenery," Elliot attempted to feign a pout "I was trying to do something nice."

She leaned over, carefully, and gave him a kiss "You're not good at pouting," she informed him.

"Will you come on a tour of the hospital with me anyway?" he asked, kissing her again.

"Okay," she conceded "But I'm only doing this for you," she clarified with a laugh as she allowed Elliot to help her out of bed and into the wheelchair.

"I'll try to keep that in mind," he told her as he wheeled her out of the room.

Elliot and Olivia were engaged in such a deep conversation as Elliot pushed her down the hall that Olivia didn't notice the group of people, trying to hide their faces by the elevators.

"Did you bring the balloons?" Kathy whispered to Cragen.

"They're in my car," he replied before he turned to Munch "Did you get the cake?"

"I hand bought it myself," Munch joked.

"Alright," Kathy whispered "Elliot said he could distract her for a half an hour so we have that long to set everything up," she flipped open her cell phone and hit number two on her speed dial "Mobilize the troops."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yes, it's a very nice view," Olivia said with a small yawn as she stared straight ahead through one of the hospital cafeteria's windows. She was bored, just as bored as she would have been if she'd stayed in the room. She knew Elliot's heart was in the right place but she was starting to hate this little tour "Can I go back to my cell now?" she asked with a half smile.

Elliot glanced at his watch once again. He'd been doing so every few minutes and he knew that Olivia was getting suspicious about it. He looked up at her as she watched him questioningly. He had never known that soft brown eyes could pierce ones very soul the way Olivia's seemed to be doing. He felt himself shifting nervously and tried to dismiss her with a laugh "I think we've both had enough of this for today," he found the tour pretty depressing also but he had to occupy Olivia for thirty minutes.

"We've had enough…?" she repeated, letting the sentence roll past her lips, an escaped suspicion. "Why we…?" she murmured, looking up at Elliot "You didn't want to do this," she said in realization. She reached up and pulled his face down to hers "What aren't you telling me?" she asked in a low voice.

Elliot had never been more scared of her than he was at that moment. She was staring him straight in the eyes and he wanted to back away, he wanted to fall backwards, he wanted to disappear into thin air. How could he keep the party secret even long enough to get back to the room?

He glanced to the side quickly "Nothing," he murmured, trying to sound believable and failing.

"Don't lie to me," Olivia's voice was still low, still frighteningly low.

"Let's just go back," Elliot pulled away from her and began to push the wheelchair in the direction of Olivia's room.

Olivia laughed at Elliot's pure nervousness as they moved through the hallways "Are you afraid of me?" she finally asked.

Elliot stopped walking altogether "What?" he asked with a small smile on his lips.

Olivia turned her head so she could look at him "Are you afraid of me?" she repeated.

Elliot leaned in and kissed her "Only when I need to be," he assured her with a chuckle.

Olivia laughed "I hope that's not too often," she turned so that she was facing front again and they continued on their way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"They're coming," Lizzie stuck her head back inside the door quickly and joined the others.

The room was decorated in crate paper and balloons of all colors and everyone from Munch, Fin and Cragen to baby Eli were wearing party hats that matched the décor.

Outside, Elliot pushed Olivia ever closer to the room, hoping with every step that she wouldn't hold this against him. They reached the door and Olivia unwittingly turned the knob and pushed it open. It was pulled open the rest of the way by someone from the other side and Olivia almost gasped.

Kathy stepped forward with Eli in her arms "Surprise," she said with a soft smile.

Olivia's mouth dropped open. Around the small room stood Casey, Munch, Fin, Melinda, Cragen, and all of Elliot's children, all dressed up. She suddenly felt naked in front of a crowd and looked down at her lap. Almost instantly, Kathy spread a blanket over her friend.

"It's okay," she encouraged, placing Eli in Olivia's lap "There," she smiled "I think a baby is the perfect accessory for this party."

Olivia smiled at Kathy and wrapped her arms around the little giggling bundle "Hey there," she bent and placed a kiss on the forehead of her partner's youngest son.

Elliot pushed the wheelchair further into the room and Lizzie draped another blanket around Olivia's shoulders "I made this for you," she stated proudly "I've been working on it ever since mom told us you were in the hospital."

Olivia looked down at the royal blue fabric. It was hemmed with sparkling gold thread and was covered in embroidered letters and patterns. She would come to find out that night when she would get a chance to study the blanket closer that the embroidered letters were actually messages of love and comfort from all of her friends..

She smiled up at Lizzie "Thank you, it's beautiful."

"We brought cake," Dickie told her with a smile.

Kathy laughed and nudged her eager son "We also brought lunch," she reminded him "And we're going to eat that before we eat cake."

"Thanks but I'm not really hungry," Olivia told the assembled group.

Each and every face, even little Eli's, looked at her in concern. Kathleen stepped forward finally "But I made spaghetti and meatballs," she said with a small shrug.

Olivia looked at the crestfallen nineteen year old. How could she resist a look like that? "I guess I could eat something," she conceded.

Kathy smiled as her daughter served Olivia a heaping bowl full of pasta. She'd noticed that Olivia had lost a bit of weight and knew that she hadn't been eating all that much. She knew that Kathleen would be able to get Olivia to eat.

"Smells delicious," Olivia said as Kathleen began to serve everyone else. Eli reached his tiny hands up to grasp at the bowl but Olivia held it out of his reach "I don't think you're quite old enough for solid foods yet," she told him.

The baby simply giggled and waved his arms around, not seeming at all disappointed that he didn't get any spaghetti.

"Now can I have cake?" Dickie asked as he polished off his bowl of pasta before anyone else.

Kathy cast him an admonishing glance "Not yet," she said patiently.

Olivia was the last to finish eating, which caused Dickie to do a lot of grumbling and pacing, which caused everyone else to do a lot of laughing. Finally, Olivia finished and Kathleen collected all the empty paper bowls.

"Is everyone ready for cake?" Kathy asked with a wide smile as Dickie sank into a chair.

"Wait, I want seconds," Elliot raised his hand with an uncharacteristic exuberance that caused the room to burst into laughter.

Dickie got up and marched out of the room. "I'm going to the snack machine," the muscular teen called over his shoulder.

"The boy's suffered long enough," Munch couldn't stop laughing as he attempted to affix Elliot with a chastising stare.

"Lizzie," Kathy turned to her youngest daughter "Go get your brother, tell him Daddy was just kidding," she turned to Elliot and tried to glare at him but ended up suffering yet another fit of laughter.

Lizzie retrieved her brother and brought him back to the room. Elliot grinned at his son couldn't help but laugh. Dickie, yet again, grumbled and sank into a chair.

Munch pulled out the cake and set it down on the small rolling table so Olivia could see it. She read the frosted message on top and stared up at him in confusion "My birthday is two months away," she reminded him.

Suddenly, all eyes in the room were on Munch. He simply shrugged "It was either that or 'Bon voyage' and," he laid his hand gently on Olivia's shoulder "None of us want you going anywhere."

Olivia smiled up at him "Thanks John," she said warmly.

"Can we cut the cake now?" Dickie asked impatiently.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed with a small laugh "I think we've all waited long enough for cake."

The cake was served and quickly devoured by everyone. Olivia smiled at Eli as he tried to snatch a bit of cake off her plate. She took a small piece and popped it in his mouth when Kathy wasn't looking "Don't tell your mommy," Olivia whispered conspiratorially "You don't want me to get in trouble do you?"

Eli burbled and smiled up at her before nuzzling close to her as if to say 'It's our little secret.'

Cragen came over to Olivia's side and stood there, watching her interacting with the baby "You're a natural," he told her with a smile.

She looked up at him awkwardly "You think?" she asked.

"Yeah," he reassured her as he handed her a white box with a red ribbon around it.

"A present," Olivia smiled, almost reverting to her five year old self with the excitement she felt.

Cragen shrugged and shifted a bit nervously "I thought maybe you'd feel better if you had something more comfortable than a hospital gown to wear around here."

Olivia opened the box to reveal a set of pajamas with bears on them. She looked up at Cragen questioningly "Bears?"

"It seemed more appropriate," he shrugged again. Bears seemed to fit her personality better than ducks or flowers.

Olivia smiled "Thank you, I love them."

Cragen patted her on the shoulder "The squad room isn't the same without you," he leaned in and whispered "We all want you back soon."

Olivia nodded as Cragen stood up, gave her another pat on the shoulder and moved on to mingle with the others. She had some mixed feelings about going back to SVU but she didn't want to think about it at that moment.

"How you holding up?" Elliot asked her as he walked over to her and lifted Eli out of her lap.

"I'm fine," she smiled at him as she watched him interact with his youngest son. She laughed when Elliot slipped a small piece of cake into his son's mouth.

Elliot leaned over in her direction "Shhh," she whispered "I don't want Kathy to know."

"Uh-huh," Olivia hid her face in her hands and tried to stifle her laughter.

Fin sauntered over and smirked at the sight in front of him. He turned to Olivia and set a box in her lap "Picked you up a little somthin'," he said with a smile.

"Oh my God," Olivia exclaimed as she gently lifted the lid off the box "Was there any candy left in the store when you left?" she asked with a giggle.

Fin shrugged "Not much," he chuckled.

"Thank you," Olivia grinned at him.

Fin patted her on the shoulder "Anytime girl." Fin walked over to where Munch was standing and gave him a little nudge.

Munch shook his head but Fin nudge him again and again until he had nudged him right over to where Olivia was seated. She laughed as she watched her colleagues behave like the school children she had come to know them as "You have something for me John?" she asked with a smirk.

Munch shrugged "Hey, I brought the cake," he protested but at that same moment a box appeared in his hand.

Olivia snatched it from him with childlike enthusiasm and opened it. She began to laugh so hard that everyone's attention in the room turned to her "You bought me a Game Boy?" she tried to speak but found it difficult.

"Not just a Game Boy," Munch defended "It's a Game Boy Color."

"Where did you buy her a piece of 1995 technology?" Fin elbowed Munch in the ribs.

"He didn't buy it," Dickie was quick to rat out his dear old Uncle Munch "He found it in our attic."

Munch glared at Dickie "It's the thought that counts," he offered meekly.

"Oh really," Olivia held up the device "Could you explain to me what the thought was behind this?"

"I thought it might help you with the hospital blues," Munch said with a shrug.

"Thank you," Olivia smiled graciously "I'll think of you every time I use it."

"Which'll be never," Fin whispered in Munch's ear.

Munch ignored him and gestured to the box "There's even a few of games. See," he reached in and pulled out the cartridges "You've got your Super Stereotypic Italian Siblings," everyone burst into laughter "And you've got The Hypnotic Falling Blocks better known as Tetris."

"Thank you," Olivia smiled up at him.

"Just make sure you turn the sound off when you play the hypnotic falling blocks," Munch warned her "It's a well known fact that that song is designed to make you do the bidding of the game's creators."

Fin elbowed him in the ribs again "Come on," he said as he pulled Munch away from Olivia.

Kathy came over and took Eli from Elliot's arms "You should go talk to Dickie," she suggested "He's been making eyes at Casey since he finished eating his cake. You'd better make sure he doesn't devour her next," she laughed.

Elliot groaned and got up, walking over to Dickie and leaning against the wall beside his son.

Kathy took the seat Elliot had been occupying earlier "Are you having a good time?" she asked Olivia.

"I can honestly say it's the most fun I've had in weeks," Olivia replied with a small grin.

"The bar's not set very high there," Kathy chuckled as she unfolded a napkin "Look what Mommy saved for you," she smiled as she held out a little piece of cake and popped it into Eli's mouth.

Olivia laughed "Did you just do what I think you just did?" she asked.

"Yep," Kathy smiled "Just like you and Elliot did."

Olivia's mouth dropped open "How…?"

"It's the special 'Mommy power'," Kathy smiled "You'll find out soon I'm sure." She patted her friend's knee "You aren't too tired or anything?" she asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," Olivia told her.

"Oh…" Kathy grinned "I've been warned not to trust you when you say that."

Olivia couldn't help laughing "Who told you that?" she asked incredulously.

Kathy grinned and pointed each person out "Don told me that you hide your pain well, Casey told me that I have to ask you questions repeatedly and not take 'I'm fine' for an answer, Melinda basically told me the same thing and John…" she paused and his her face as she giggled "He told me not to trust you as far as I could throw you."

Olivia laughed "I think this Game Boy's gonna find it's way back to him in a very personal way."

Kathy bounced Eli in her lap "Please," she tried to sound serious "Don't talk like that around my son."

"Okay, okay," Olivia surrendered "I'll behave."

"I doubt that," Elliot walked back over and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her softly "But you're welcome to try."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia lasted another forty five minutes before Kathy finally told everyone to go home. It was becoming all too clear that Olivia was exhausted. Everyone promised to visit as soon as they could and Munch promised to get her a much better present for her actual birthday.

Olivia had managed, with a little help from Kathy, to change into her knew pajamas and she was currently relaxing in a semi reclined position in the bed.

Elliot walked over and sat down in the chair beside her "Those pajamas suite you," he smiled.

"Thanks," she tried to stifle a yawn as she pulled the blanket Lizzie had made her up to her chin.

Kathy walked out of the bathroom after changing Eli's diaper "I'd better get going," she said, passing Eli to Elliot so he could say goodbye "Maureen says that the twins are being 'insufferable'. I'd better get home before they all kill each other," she laughed.

Elliot handed Eli back to Kathy who promptly handed him to Olivia so that she could say goodbye as well. Olivia took him in her arms and smiled down at the little boy "I'll see you soon," she said, kissing the top of his head gently.

"Wave bye-bye," Kathy cooed to her son as she strapped him into his car seat "See you tomorrow," she said as she left the room.

Olivia yawned and turned to Elliot "I don't know if you heard, what with all the excitement today," she smiled "But the doctor told me that I could get out of here sometime next week."

"That's great," Elliot said as he moved onto the bed beside her and wrapped his arm around her.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed "I was wondering, you know, I don't want things to move too fast or anything… but… would you mind…"

"Liv," Elliot said, prodding her gently "What are you trying to say?"

"Would you mind, staying with me for a while?" she asked.

Elliot gave her a gentle kiss "I wouldn't mind at all," he smiled.

Olivia pulled the blanket up close around both of them. Something in the corner of the blanket caught her eye. She focused on the embroidered words; they read "Beauty, Strength, Courage, Olivia; all my love, Elliot."

"El…?" she turned back to him and showed him the corner of the blanket.

He blushed "Lizzie had each of us say something. She embroidered everyone else's message but I did that one myself," he said proudly.

She smiled and traced the words with her finger. She nuzzled close to him "I love you," she whispered.

He wrapped both arms around her "I love you too," he told her as he held her close. Soon after that, they both drifted off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8: Not Alone

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 8: Not Alone**

**A/N: I haven't written one of these in a while LOL. Anyway, thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers I love you all. Now I must make a shameless plug for one of my own stories because I crave the love. My first "Stargate: Atlantis" story is called "Across the Galaxy" and I really wish more people were reading it. Actually, I wish more people were reviewing it LOL. Anyway, if you have time, maybe you could check it out. Thanks in advance. Love you all and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

"Mom!" Dickie yelled from the kitchen of Olivia's apartment "This milk stinks!"

Kathy came in from the living room "Pour it down the sink," she instructed. Olivia was going to be coming home from the hospital that afternoon and Kathy had brought the kids to help get everything squared away.

Dickie did as his mother instructed "All this food is spoiled," he complained "There's nothing to eat."

Kathy laughed "That's why I sent Maureen and Kathleen to the grocery store. I'm sure they'll bring you something to eat," she smirked as she turned back to the living room.

Lizzie walked out of the bedroom "I made the bed," she told her mother "Where should I put Dad's stuff?"

Kathy shook her head. As much as she had come to consider Olivia as being akin to a sister, this moment wasn't one she was particularly looking forward to. The man with whom she had shared the greater part of her life with would no longer love her. She hadn't had strong feelings for Elliot in a long time but she had always held him near and dear to her heart. It wasn't easy to think about having to let go. But she knew that in the end, it would be better for all of them.

She cleared her throat "Let's just put the bag in the coat closet for now," she said, taking the duffle from her daughter. The bag contained only some of Elliot's things but he would be retrieving the rest later.

Someone downstairs buzzed the apartment. Kathy spun around quickly, caught off guard. It wouldn't be Elliot and Olivia; they had a key. She approached the intercom cautiously and pressed it. "Yes…?" she asked timidly.

"Mom, we forgot the key," Maureen's voice crackled out of the speaker. Kathy laughed and let them up.

Once they entered, Kathy took Eli from Maureen while Lizzie and Dickie helped their older sisters unpack the groceries. "Did you have fun?" Kathy cooed. The baby burbled and laughed "Is that a yes?" Kathy giggled at her son. She gently lowered Eli into the bouncy chair that she'd brought for him and turned to her other children "Come on," she clapped her hands together "We've still got a lot to do before they get here."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot brought the wheelchair to Olivia's room only to see her standing up, with her bag hung over her shoulder "I won't need that," she insisted, indicating the wheelchair.

"Are you sure Liv?" Elliot studied her with concern. She had continued to lose weight in spite of his and everyone else's best efforts.

"El," she took a step towards him and placed a hand on his cheek, bringing her face closer to his "I can handle it. It'll be okay. It's not like I'm gonna fall apart the second we leave this place," she reassured with a smile and a small laugh.

But that was just what Elliot was afraid of. The doctor had said that she was fine to go home but he was worried. She was supposed to take it easy. He leaned closer and kissed her "Just get in the chair," he said with a smirk as he pulled away.

Olivia pulled away from him, letting her hands come to rest upon her hips "I don't think so," she replied steadfastly.

"So you're gonna play it like that eh?" Elliot took a step towards her and lifted her into the air "I guess I'll just have to carry you out."

Olivia began to giggle as she fought Elliot "Put me down," she demanded jokingly at first. Then, the longer he held her the more helpless she started to feel. She closed her eyes "Put me down," she repeated in a small timid voice.

Elliot noticed the change in her attitude immediately and lowered her gently to the floor. He saw her, squeezing her eyes shut "Liv…?" he asked, trying to move closer to her and wrap his arms around her "Honey, are you okay?"

She backed away from him and ended up sinking on to the bed "Just…" she whispered "Please…" she hadn't opened her eyes yet, she didn't see Elliot, standing in front of her, watching her with loving concern.

Elliot sat down on the bed beside her. He kept his distance at first "Olivia…?" he spoke quietly "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

Olivia opened her eyes and saw Elliot beside her. She was safe, she knew that. She scooted closer to him on the bed and allowed him to wrap his arm around her "Please El…?" she whispered "No wheelchair. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. Please…?"

He tentatively pulled her closer to him. He hated himself that he had scared her. He gently placed his finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to meet his "Of course," he whispered, his voice raw and choked back with the realization that it was he himself who had made her relive something unpleasant.

He stood up and reached for her hand. He cleared his throat as she placed her hand trustingly in his and stood up beside him "Do you have everything?" he asked, looking at the tote bag that was swung over her shoulder.

Olivia nodded "Yeah," she told him as she struggled to keep her emotions in check. This was Elliot after all, he would never hurt her. She shouldn't have let herself react the way she had. He had only been joking when he lifted her off the ground but still the fact that he had the strength to do that made her afraid.

The two of them left the room holding hands and slowly made their way to where Elliot's car was parked. He opened the passenger's side door for her and watched her lower herself gently into place. He dropped to his knees beside the car "Don't hate me…?" he whispered.

Olivia looked at him in confusion. She wasn't sure she had heard him correctly "What?" she asked.

Elliot stood up quickly and walked around to the driver's side "Nothing," he said as he slid in and started the car.

"Elliot," she pressed, letting the tote bag slide off her shoulder and land on her lap.

"I wasn't thinking," Elliot murmured "I should have known that… I'm so sorry," he kept his eyes on the road ahead.

Olivia looked down at her lap. The blanket that Lizzie had made her was peeking out of the over stuffed bag. She was staring at the corner on which Elliot had embroidered his message of love to her. Her fingers traced the letters lovingly and her eyes misted over. She knew he would never have picked her up if he knew it would hurt her.

When they stopped at a red light, she turned to him. She laid her hand on his arm "Don't be sorry," she told him firmly "It was a sweet gesture. I know you only did it because you're worried."

He looked into her eyes "I didn't want to hurt you," his eyes were beginning to mist over as well.

"You didn't," she assured him "I promise you, you didn't."

"I love you," he whispered just as the light turned green and he was forced to focus on the road again.

"I know," she whispered with a soft smile. She did know, she believed him with all of her heart "And I love you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"They're coming," Kathleen turned from the window and called out.

Kathy began straightening up the kitchen. She spun around to see Dickie, steeling a cookie off the tray she had just backed. She laughed and patted him on the back "Come on," she dragged him into the living room and sat down on the couch. She reached down and picked up Eli from his bouncy seat and waited.

It was only a minute or so after Kathleen had called out the warning to the rest of them before they heard the key turning in the lock. The door opened and Elliot, with Olivia leaning against him for support, walked in.

"Uh-oh," Elliot laughed "I think we're gonna need to call an exterminator," he reached out and tousled his youngest daughter's hair.

"Yeah," Olivia laughed as she sank onto the couch "Worst infestation I've ever seen," she attempted to stifle a yawn. Everyone laughed.

"Welcome home," Kathy said as she set Eli down on the couch between them.

"Thanks," Olivia reached out to the baby who immediately grasped one of her fingers in his hand and began sucking on it. Olivia smiled and attempted to pull her finger away "Please tell me he's not teething?" she laughed when Eli stopped sucking on her finger but refused to let it go.

"That's still a few months away," Kathy assured her with an enormous grin.

"That's a relief," Olivia said as Eli surprised all of them by managing to pull himself into Olivia's lap.

The baby made himself comfortable in her lap and turned back to his mother, giggling and waving at her. Kathy grinned at her son as she waved back "Yes, I see you, you little adventurer."

Olivia looked down at him in amazement "You just did that on your own," she whispered as she stared into laughing brilliant blue eyes. Eli giggled and clapped his tiny hands together.

Elliot who was standing beside the couch bent down next to Olivia "Isn't he just incredible?" his voice held an heir of parental pride as he smiled down at the happy child.

Olivia turned to Elliot "Yes," she agreed.

Kathy stood up "Well, I guess it's time for us to get going." Olivia tried to hand Eli to her but she shook her head "I don't want to bother you on your first night back," she looked down for a moment "But I could really use some time off," she looked at Elliot for a moment and glanced away "Could you watch him tonight?"

"Sure," Olivia didn't waste a second, jumping on the chance to spend time with the little one.

"But we don't have any diapers or formula," Elliot protested. He knew Kathy was tired of taking care of the baby, he hadn't been around to help hardly at all before Olivia had been attacked and afterwards, he had only seen Eli when Kathy brought him with her to the hospital.

Kathy blushed "Well…" she trailed off again, glancing apologetically from Olivia to Elliot and back again "I was…"

"We brought everything already," Kathleen interrupted, getting fed up with the slow pace of the conversation.

"I set up the portable crib in the bedroom," Lizzie stated proudly "We've brought diapers and formula and toys and everything."

Kathy gave Olivia a hug "Thank you so much," she said before standing upright "I'll be back tomorrow to pick him up."

"And what are the rest of you going to do?" Elliot turned a suspicious stare towards his other four children.

"I'm staying at Aiden's," Maureen shrugged.

"Staying over," Elliot repeated.

"Yes," Maureen put her hands on her hips "He's my boyfriend and I'm staying over at his apartment tonight."

Elliot grumbled and backed down. She was an adult and she had stayed at Aiden's before. Elliot had met Aiden once and had nothing against the kid; as much as he wanted to hate him, he didn't. He turned to the other three "And you…?" he asked.

Olivia looked down at Eli and tried not to laugh "Take a look," she whispered to the baby "That's what your teenage years are going to look like." She turned the baby to face forward as Elliot stood in front of each child in turn.

Eli made a noise that sounded suspiciously like "Uh-oh."

Olivia couldn't maintain her composure any longer "You got that right," she snickered.

"And what are you laughing about?" Elliot asked with a grin after he had been assured that the others would be home at a descent hour.

Olivia stuck her tongue out at him "You," she replied simply.

Elliot leaned over and gave her a quick kiss before he lifted Eli out of her lap "Is that true?" he asked the infant as he held him in the air. As answer, Eli simply stuck his tongue out at his father.

Elliot, Olivia, Kathy and Eli all began laughing. Kathy took Eli from Elliot's arms and kissed the top of his head "Mommy's gonna see you tomorrow little guy," she told him, holding him for a minute before handing him back to Elliot "Thank you so much," she said to both him and Olivia before turning and following the rest of her children out of the apartment.

Elliot and Olivia sat in silence for a few minutes after everyone had left. The only sounds came from Eli as he clumsily moved from one lap to the other.

"She tricked us good," Elliot admitted, looking down at his son.

"Tricked us nothing," Olivia came to Kathy's defense "She's been taking care of him while you've been taking care of me," she looked down as Eli settled himself in her lap and looked up at her with innocence "How long has it been since you've spent more than five minutes with him?" she asked.

Elliot scratched his head. It had been nearly seven weeks now since he'd spent a night in the same house as Eli and on those infrequent nights, he rarely got to spend any time with him other than changing his diaper at two in the morning. "I guess it's been a while," he admitted, holding his hand out to the baby "Forgive me?" he asked.

Eli burbled and laughed, bouncing up and down in Olivia's lap. He bounced himself so hard that he almost fell on the floor.

"Oops," Olivia just barely managed to catch the child as he started to slide past her knees "Looks like someone got a little too excited."

"Was that a yes?" Elliot asked, smirking at the little boy.

"Was it?" Olivia asked, holding Eli in her arms and bouncing him slightly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia lay in bed, exhausted. Just getting home had taken its toll on her body. After Elliot had fed Eli and Olivia had gotten to experience the wonder that was changing a little boy's diaper (he peed on her) she decided that she needed a nap.

She lay in bed, finding it hard to get to sleep. She'd been taken from this very apartment. Every time she closed her eyes, she pictured Harris's face. She tried to focus on the sound of Eli's even breathing as it drifted across the room from where he lay in the crib. Thinking about the baby only made her more afraid. Harris had been the second person to attack her in her apartment. What if Elliot went out to get something from the store and someone broke in? What would happen?

Endless and ever more frightening possibilities entered her mind and she found herself unable to relax. Finally, around six thirty, Eli awoke and began to fuss. Olivia got out of bed and went over to the crib. She was already holding the baby in her arms by the time Elliot entered the room.

"Hey sweetie," Olivia cooed as Eli cried and clung to her "What's the matter?" She began to rock him gently and hum softly to him. He snuggled into her embrace and began to calm down. "You just wanted to know that you weren't alone," she smiled softly, kissing his forehead "Well, don't worry, you aren't alone," she assured him.

Elliot smiled as he stood in the doorway of her bedroom. He took a tentative step into the room and cleared his throat.

Olivia turned and smiled at him "Look who's here," she said to Eli, guiding the baby's gaze so that he was looking at his father. Eli smiled and waved a tiny hand.

"Look at you," Elliot walked over and enveloped both of them in a hug "You're a natural."

Olivia leaned her head against his shoulder as she looked down at the baby "You think so?" she asked, unsure of herself.

"Definitely," he said as he kissed her gently and pulled her and Eli closer to him "You'll never believe it but it looks like Kathy cooked us dinner for the next two weeks."

Olivia laughed "Really?"

"You hungry?" Elliot asked her, hoping she would say yes.

"Hmm…" Olivia murmured as she shifted positions "I'm really more tired than hungry."

"You sure I couldn't convince you to eat something?" he said, taking Eli out of her arms "Do you want something to eat buddy?"

Olivia pouted "Hey, I wanna hold the baby," she said, nudging Elliot gently.

"Not until you eat something," Elliot teased.

"Elliot," Olivia placed her hands on her hips and stared him down.

"I'm just saying I would feel better if you ate something," he said as he reached out and put an arm around her. "We're all worried about you, you know," he told her softly. Eli reached out and touched Olivia's cheek with his tiny hand. Elliot smiled "I told you."

Olivia smiled, her eyes beginning to mist over "What did Kathy make exactly?" she asked.

"Hmm… let's see," Elliot pulled her over to the bed and sat down beside her "We've got pasta… soup… chicken… pasta… a whole bunch of veggies for salad… pasta… did I mention that we have pasta?"

Olivia laughed "Pasta sounds great."

"Okay," Elliot smiled at her "Do you want spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna or macaroni and cheese?"

Olivia laughed again "Did she really make all that?"

"Apparently so," Elliot smirked as he lay back on the bed, holding Eli above him. The baby wiggled his arms and legs and laughed. "So," Elliot said as Olivia lay down beside him "Final judgment on the pasta?"

"Mac and cheese I guess," Olivia sighed.

"Alright," Elliot got up and handed Eli to Olivia before he went out to the kitchen to heat up the food.

"Hey," Olivia called after him in a voice full of laughter "I got to hold the baby anyway."

Elliot poked his head back in the room and smiled at her "Yeah, you did," he disappeared from the doorway for a second but reappeared, walking over to her and pulling her into a standing position "By the way," he smiled as he tenderly wrapped his arms around her "You're not alone either and you'll never be alone again." He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips and left the room again.

Olivia looked down at the little life in her arms and smiled "Your Daddy always knows just what to say."


	9. Chapter 9: I'm Ready

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 9: I'm Ready**

**A/N: Okay, this is a bit shorter than the other chapters but it has more drama in it than the recent installments. I have to say that I am beginning to like Kathy quite a lot in this story and as such I must ask all of you readers to please keep an open mind in this chapter and realize that she had known for a long time that her husband is in love with another woman and had been trying to cope with that before she'd ever gotten to know Olivia as a person. She's not perfect but then again, who is? And to anyone who would answer "Olivia" to that question should remember her behavior in the episode "Blinded". Enough rambling, on to the chapter!**

"He's so beautiful," Olivia said in awe as she held a sleeping Eli to her chest. She looked down into a completely innocent, angelic face. This child knew nothing of the evils of the world. Olivia wondered how long that innocence would last. Seven years, ten before…? She held the baby tighter and closed her eyes. She knew that she would die to protect Eli or any of Elliot's children.

"He kind of looks like you," Elliot told her softly as he sat beside her, one arm draped over her shoulders.

Olivia began giggling softly "I can assure you, he came out of Kathy. I was there, remember?"

Elliot nodded and unconsciously tightened his grip on her "I remember," he whispered. He stroked the peach fuzz on the top of Eli's head gingerly. If it wasn't for Olivia, Eli might not have even survived that day.

Olivia attempted to stifle a yawn and utterly failed. She laid her head on Elliot's shoulder. "I love being with you like this," she admitted to him.

"Me too," Elliot smiled, turning his head and kissing her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Lucke quit it," Kathy elbowed the man away from her.

Luke Jordan removed his hands from under her shirt and instead began to tickle her through her clothes "Come on," he pleaded "When was the last time we got to be together?"

Kathy sighed "It's been a long time but… Luke… I…"

"I know, I know," Luke groaned "You don't want to do anything sexual until your divorce is final. But…" he smirked as he continued to tickle her.

"I said stop," Kathy smacked his hands away "It's just… it's too tempting…"

"I thought you said that your husband's been fucking his partner for the past seven weeks," Luke said defensively as he grabbed her wrists.

Kathy stood to her feet, wrenching away from him "I never said that. How dare you?"

"Come on baby," Luke pushed as he tried to wrap her in his arms and kiss her "I thought you said he was sleeping over."

"While she was in the hospital," Kathy pulled away, angry that Luke had made such an assumption "I think you should go."

"Come on," Luke gestured to the TV where "Man of the Year" was still playing. "I thought we were gonna watch a movie while your kids are out of the house."

Kathy shrugged and returned to the couch "Alright but we're just watching, nothing more."

"Okay," Luke agreed. But he didn't stay true to his word, it wasn't long before he was kissing her and trying to lie down next to her on the sofa "God damn it I want you so bad," he panted.

"Get away from me," Kathy pushed him onto the floor and stood up.

"Honey…" Luke said sweetly though he couldn't stop scowling at her "I thought you wanted to kick back and relax tonight?" he winked suggestively.

"I did," she told him "But now I'm not so sure. You should go." She turned to leave the living room altogether when he grabbed her and through her against the wall.

"Don't be such an uptight bitch," he hissed. He made a fist and punched her in the face. She fell to the floor.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kathy asked as blood trickled from a cut on her lip. She was seeing a different side of the man she had come to know over the past three months. Their relationship had only consisted of phone conversations at first but one day while Elliot was at work, Kathy had taken Eli to meet him. As she lay on the floor bleeding, she was very glad that Eli was somewhere safe that night.

Luke reached down and pulled her to her feet, shaking her like a rag doll "You, stupid, bitch," he growled at her, throwing her on the couch and tearing at her clothes.

She kicked at him and screamed as loud as she could "Get away from me!" She managed to land a good kick that sent him flying backwards and she ran from the room. She sprinted up the stares and could hear Luke close behind her. She barricaded herself in the master bedroom and called 911.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You're sure about this?" Elliot asked as he settled down in bed beside Olivia.

"El," she grinned up at him "I'm okay. I sleep better with you next to me," she told him, grabbing his hand and pulling him down to the mattress.

He smiled and kissed her "You'll let me know if you feel… uncomfortable, right?"

"Elliot," she chastised him "We've slept side by side for the past seven weeks. You think that if I had a problem with it I would have told you by now?"

"I know," he wrapped his arms around her and held her close "But what with everything that happened this morning," he still felt guilty about frightening her.

She looked up at him and reached out, tenderly running her hand down the side of his face "That wasn't your fault," she assured him.

Elliot wanted to say something but he was all of a sudden overcome with exhaustion. He kissed her again "Goodnight," he whispered "I love you."

"I love you too," she gave him a kiss of her own and nuzzled into his embrace.

Eli slept soundly in his crib. While in the bed, Olivia felt herself drifting off to the tune of Elliot's heartbeat. All was quiet and calm until Elliot's cell phone rang, shocking all three of them into wakefulness.

Olivia sat bolt upright in bed, snapping the light on and looking wildly in every direction before she even realized what the source of the sound was. The baby began to cry in his crib. Elliot for his part, fell out of bed from the sudden excitement and began to search for the phone.

"You okay?" Olivia asked, after she had composed herself and retrieved Eli from the crib.

"Yeah," Elliot called from beside the bed as he picked himself up off the floor. He reached for his cell phone and flipped it open.

"It's alright," Olivia cooed to Eli who was still on edge "It's okay," she looked over at Elliot who looked pale and she knew that it wasn't okay.

After Elliot hung up, he made several other phone calls. When he had finally finished, he hung up and turned to Olivia, sliding back onto the bed and wrapping her and Eli in a tight hug.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked concern flooding her voice.

"There was a fire," Elliot told her, looking down at Eli. If Kathy hadn't left him there that night… he didn't want to think about it.

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered "Is everyone okay?"

"Kathy was the only one inside when it happened," he told her "She only suffered miner burns, the firefighters managed to get her out in time."

"Thank God," Olivia murmured. She too looked down at Eli and tightened her grip on the baby.

"They'll be keeping her in the hospital overnight for observation," Elliot continued "The firefighters are calling the house a total loss."

"What?" Olivia asked in shock.

"They're just trying to keep it from spreading at this point," Elliot explained "Aparently, Kathy's very lucky that the she got out at all."

Olivia looked deep into Elliot's eyes "What aren't you telling me?" she questioned, sensing that he was trying to protect her from something.

Elliot cleared his throat and looked down at Eli again. He found it hard to speak "It looks like arsine," he said finally "Kathy had barricaded herself in the bedroom," he pulled Olivia closer to him "When they found her, her clothes were nearly ripped off."

"Oh my God," Olivia exclaimed "Rape kit?"

"Too soon," Elliot shook his head and changed the subject "I sort of told Kathleen and the twins to come here for tonight."

Olivia nodded "Of course," she said reassuringly. The kids needed to sleep somewhere and where better than where she and Elliot could keep an eye on them. "Is Kathy conscious? Did she tell the police what happened?"

"She suffered pretty severe smoke inhalation," Elliot explained "She's on oxygen and isn't up for talking."

They sat in silence for a long time, holding each other and looking down at Eli. They both knew how lucky they were that he hadn't been in that house tonight. Even a slight case of smoke inhalation would reek massive havoc on such a tiny body. And what would have happened if Kathy's attacker had gotten to him before Kathy could?

Olivia finally cleared her throat "Are you okay?" she asked Elliot.

He nodded but said nothing, dropping his head to her shoulder "I don't know," he finally managed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kathleen, Lizzie and Dickie arrived a little while later. Olivia's living room quickly transformed with blankets spread across the floor and teenagers sitting cross legged on cushions sipping mugs of hot chocolate and munching on the many cookies and other baked goods that Kathy had made earlier that day.

No one, not even Dickie seemed to have much of an appetite, even after Elliot assured all of them that their mother was going to be fine. They set their mugs aside before they were even half finished and Dickie was the only one who managed to eat an entire cookie.

Olivia turned on the TV and found some movie to try and distract their attention. It didn't really work but all three of the children, though they didn't admit it, were thankful for the distraction.

The settled into their makeshift beds on the floor and said goodnight but long after Eli lay snoring in his crib once again, Elliot and Olivia lay in bed, clinging to each other as if their lives depended on it and listening to the whispered words of worry that passed between the living room's occupants.

"They're gonna find the guy who did this," Olivia whispered a while after the whispering had ceased "I know they will."

Elliot gave her a little squeeze and a kiss "She could have died," he whispered "What if the kids had been in the house?"

Olivia propped herself up on her elbow "They weren't," she said quietly "They're all fine. Maureen's safe with her boyfriend and the rest of them are here, with us."

Elliot lifted his gaze to hers "Thanks for letting them stay here," he said in a tiny voice. He'd almost been afraid that she would have been unhappy about it.

"Why wouldn't I?" Olivia asked, leaning in and kissing him, wrapping her arms around his neck "I love you and I love your kids and they can stay here as long as they need to."

"That could get a little awkward after a few days," Elliot managed a small chuckle.

"And why's that?" Olivia asked curiously.

"Three women and one bathroom," he joked.

She poked him in the ribs "Shut up," she teased before becoming serious again "Do they have any leads?" Elliot had been on the phone at least twice more since the original phone calls.

"No," Elliot sighed "But they think Kathy will be up to talking tomorrow."

"I'd like to be the one to talk to her," Olivia said suddenly.

"We've got no jurisdiction on this case," Elliot told her with a small sigh "It's Queens' arsine's case."

"I'm gonna talk to her anyway," Olivia said resolutely "There might be things that she can't talk to the arsine investigators about."

Elliot knew what she was talking about "Are you sure you're ready for that?" he asked "I mean, you're not even supposed to be back at work for another week."

"She's my friend," Olivia said straightforwardly "She could have died," she turned her gaze to the crib in the corner of the room "Any one of the kids could have been in the house with her and might not have been as lucky as she was."

Elliot saw the fire in her eyes. He knew she was determined to find the guy that did this. He tried to think of something to say that would stop her "You still haven't been cleared for work," he offered weakly.

"I'm just going to a hospital, not chasing perps on the street," she said, still staring him down.

"Yeah," Elliot agreed "But…"

"I know you're worried," Olivia cut him off, snuggling closer to him "But I'll be fine."

"Okay," Elliot conceded "I'll come with you."

"Shouldn't you stay with the kids?" Olivia asked "You should bring them by to see Kathy after I talk with her."

"Liv…" Elliot sighed. She was steadfast in her determination. There seemed to be nothing he could do to get her to budge even a micrometer on the issue.

"I'll be fine, I promise I'm ready for this," she repeated, kissing him passionately and hoping that the kiss would shut him up.

Elliot caught a glimpse of the clock on the nightstand and realized how late it was. He would pick up the argument in the morning. She kept saying she would be fine, she would be careful, she would be safe. If he remembered correctly, those were the exact same things she'd said before she went undercover in Sealview.


	10. Chapter 10: Hard Conversations

Crumbling Armor

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 10: Hard Conversations**

**A/N: Okay, by popular demand, I'm updating this story. I had hoped that I would have finished this before the new season starts but there was a long time there that I thought I'd never get around to updating it. But I finally did. I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow and I'll be gone for two weeks so this will be the last update on this story for a while but I definitely haven't forgotten about it. So, I now proudly present to you (drum roll please) Chapter 10. I hope you enjoy!**

Olivia awoke early that morning. In reality, it had only been about three hours since she had fallen asleep. She carefully extricated herself from Elliot's embrace and got out of bed. She padded over to the crib first.

She peered in and smiled. Sometime during the night Eli had kicked his blanket off. She picked up the baby blanket and covered him up again. She made sure that his tiny feet were securely tucked in before she headed into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.

When she emerged from the bathroom, feeling significantly more warn out by the everyday activity than she thought she would be, Eli was awake, sitting up and staring at her.

Elliot was still sound asleep, now holding Olivia's pillow in his arms. Olivia didn't want to risk waking him so she picked up Eli and grabbed a fresh change of clothes from the bag Kathy had left for him. She quickly changed his diaper and his clothes then she carried him with her out to the kitchen.

As she prepared a bottle for him, she looked out into the living room where Eli's older brother and sisters were still asleep. She turned back to Eli who she had set upon the counter and was steadying with one of her hands. He was waving his arms wildly.

"What are you doing?" Olivia cooed. Her eyes followed Eli's wide eyed stare to where a plate of muffins sat on top of the microwave. She chuckled "I think you're a little too young to be eating those," she told the baby who only continued to wave his arms at the plate.

"I don't think so kiddo," Olivia laughed as she picked him up and sat down at the kitchen table "This is your breakfast today," she began feeding him.

"What about your breakfast?" Elliot asked as he came into the kitchen.

Olivia looked up and smiled "I was gonna take care of him first," she

"Were you planning on eating something this morning?" Elliot pushed, knowing that she would be annoyed but also knowing that she needed to eat.

"I need to get to the hospital and talk to Kathy," Olivia replied "I don't have time for breakfast."

"Liv…" Elliot began, sighing heavily. She was stubborn, sometimes too stubborn. He took a deep breath, scrubbing his hands over his face "We're all worried about you, you know."

"I appreciate your concern," Olivia said as she finished feeding Eli.

"Then eat something!" Elliot half shouted in frustration.

Olivia looked at him with wide eyes "I'll eat something later," she replied firmly. "I just don't feel that hungry right now."

"You never feel hungry," Elliot replied "It's hard enough to get you to eat so much as a few bites of food a day."

"I should get to the hospital," Olivia said quickly, standing up and passing Eli to Elliot.

Elliot stood up and blocked her way "I don't want you going alone," he said steadfastly. He'd rather not have her getting involved in this at all.

"I told you I was ready," she said, teetering on the brink of anger. the living room the twins and Kathleen were now awake and listening intently to the conversation.

"I don't think you are," Elliot said, still blocking her way "It's too soon, you haven't even recovered yet."

"I'm FINE!" she screamed in his face "I DON'T need YOU telling ME what I AM or AM NOT ready for!"

Eli began to cry but Elliot hadn't realized yet. He was too angry with Olivia right now "I'M just looking out FOR YOU!"

"I NEVER ASKED YOU TO!" Olivia screamed back.

"YOU didn't HAVE TO!" Elliot retorted "I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GET HURT!

"IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT!" Olivia finally realized that Eli was crying. She retreated to the kitchen table and sank heavily into the chair. She placed her head in her hands and began to cry as well.

Kathleen poked her head into the kitchen "Is everything alright?" she asked.

Elliot looked from his daughter to Kathleen "Here," he said, handing Eli to Kathleen "Could you take your brother please?"

Kathleen nodded and took the fussy baby with her into the living room.

Elliot pulled a chair up beside Olivia and wrapped his arm around her shoulders "It's okay Liv," he whispered.

Olivia sniffled and attempted to wipe her eyes "I… I'm sorry… Elliot… I just… I don't know what happened."

"You're alright," he soothed, rubbing her shoulder calmingly.

"I just…" she continued as a sob escaped her. She gasped "Please don't think…" she trailed off again "I… don't think I… blame you… Please…?"

Elliot took a deep breath. He wouldn't blame her if she did blame him. He blamed himself. "It's okay," he assured her.

She looked at him through a vale of tears "I love you," she whispered "You have to know that… what I… what I said back there… You have to know… Please… tell me you believe me… tell me you know that I don't blame you?"

"I know," he said quickly, trying to change the subject "How about some breakfast?"

Olivia took a shuttering breath "You were right," she whispered "I haven't had much of an appetite lately."

"I know," Elliot said gently, getting up and grabbing a couple of the muffins from the plate that Eli had been so interested in earlier. He handed them to Olivia "Can you at least try to eat breakfast, for me?"

Olivia nodded and tried to calm herself down enough that she could eat, but she was still crying. She took deep breath after deep breath and finally stopped crying.

Elliot sat with his arm draped protectively over her shoulders while she ate "Maybe you should stay here while I take the kids to see Kathy."

"No," Olivia said quickly, dropping the muffing in her hand "Please," she swallowed hard; she didn't want to be in her apartment by herself "I need to come with you."

Elliot looked into her eyes and saw something there, something he would categorize as fear. It was then that he remembered exactly how she had been attacked. He leaned in and wrapped both arms around her "Sure," he said quietly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Maureen met them at the hospital later that morning. Olivia had managed to compose herself. She still contended to Elliot that she could handle talking to Kathy alone. Kathy was her friend and Olivia felt a fierce need to get justice for her.

The group walked to the room the nurse had indicated to them. There were two men standing outside the door. Elliot and Olivia both stepped forward "What's going on here?" Olivia asked.

"Detectives Burnette and Keister," the men showed their badges.

"Keister," Elliot repeated, trying to hide the smile on his face.

Olivia turned and flashed him a warning glance "Why don't you take the kids inside to visit with Kathy. I'll wait out here," she offered.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Olivia nodded "Go already," she smirked.

Elliot nodded and walked into the room with the kids.

"Have you got anything on the guy who did this?" Olivia asked after she had shown her badge to the other detectives.

"Not much so far," Burnette said, looking down at his notebook "The accelerant used was gasoline that he had siphoned from the victim's car," he read.

"Has she said anything to either of you?" Olivia asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she watched Kathy through the partially opened door of the room. She was lying in bed, holding Eli in her arms and smiling, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"She refuses to talk about it," Keister told her.

Elliot and the kids emerged from the room at that moment. Olivia turned to him and smiled weakly "How's she doing?" she asked.

"She's as good as can be expected," Elliot responded as he looked deep into Olivia's eyes, he knew what she was going to say next "I said I'd by lunch at the hospital cafeteria."

"You and the kids go ahead," Olivia said softly as she gave Elliot a quick hug "I'm gonna go talk to her for a couple minutes. I'll catch up."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Elliot whispered worriedly in her ear as he held her.

"I'll be fine," she reassured him for the millionth time as she pulled away. She grinned "Besides if you don't get some food into Dickie soon, you'll have a one man riot on your hands."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hi Kathy," Olivia said softly as she sat down beside Kathy's bedside "How are you feeling?"

"Better since I saw the kids," Kathy answered honestly with a hoarse sounding voice.

Olivia was quiet for a while. She cleared her throat nervously "It's like déjà vu, isn't it?" she shrugged lamely.

Kathy laughed a little bit "Yeah but with the rolls reversed," she added.

There was another long, awkward pause. Kathy was the one to break the silence this time "You didn't come here just to ask me how I'm doing and to shoot the breeze did you?"

"No," Olivia answered honestly.

"You heard all the details from Elliot," Kathy stated.

Olivia nodded.

"You've talked to the detectives investigating my case."

Olivia nodded yet again.

"You want me to tell you who did this."

"Yes," Olivia replied.

Kathy closed her eyes. "I can't talk about it. I can't tell those detectives out there and I can't tell you."

"Kathy please," Olivia said quietly "You need to tell me who did this."

"So he doesn't hurt someone else," Kathy sighed "Trust me, I've heard all the lines already."

"They aren't just lines," Olivia stated "He's still out there."

"If the kids had been home…" Kathy choked on her words.

"But they weren't," Olivia reminded her "They're all safe." She paused, taking a deep breath "Who was he?"

Kathy gripped her hand "Please, you can't tell Elliot?" she begged.

"Okay," Olivia said quietly. She didn't have to tell Elliot. The only thing that mattered was getting this guy off the streets.

"He was my boyfriend," Kathy admitted "I swear we never did anything but kiss."

"It's okay," Olivia assured her "I'm only gonna tell the arsine investigators.

"You can't let Elliot find out," Kathy pleaded "I don't want him to know that-"

"He won't find out that you had a boyfriend," Olivia promised.

"Not that," Kathy told her "I don't want him to know that I exposed the kids to such a violent man."

"The kids?" Olivia asked "They've met him?"

"They've met him, but they didn't know he was my boyfriend," Kathy explained.

"I won't tell him," Olivia promised. She couldn't promise that Elliot wouldn't find out some other way.

"Thank you," Kathy whispered in relief.

"What's his name?" Olivia asked again.

"Luke," Kathy spit out "Luke Jordan."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So when are you and Olivia gonna get married?" Lizzie teased as she popped a ketchup soaked French fry into her mouth.

"Elizabeth!" Maureen chastised "Don't ask questions like that."

"Thank you," Elliot said to his oldest daughter, still feeling the warmth in his cheeks from the question.

"Okay," Lizzie smirked, turning on her sister "When are you marrying Aiden?"

It was Maureen's turn to blush.

"Not until she's thirty-five," Elliot said loudly.

"Dad!" Maureen's already red cheeks turned even redder.

"What's going on over here?" Olivia asked, walking over to the group and sitting down beside Elliot.

"Lizzie wants to know when all the weddings are gonna be," Dickie mumbled through a mouth full of his cheeseburger.

"Oh," Olivia said brightly "Whose getting married?"

"Trust me," Elliot spoke up "You don't want to know." He looked over at Olivia and saw that she had a full tray with a salad and two deserts along with a cup of coffee. He leaned in close to her "Are you gonna eat all that?" he asked with a smile.

"I'm gonna try," Olivia smiled back at him, through a mouth full of lettuce.

Later, when they had finished their meal and were walking back to the car, Elliot, who was carrying Eli, lagged behind the other kids so he could talk to Olivia "How did your talk with Kathy go?" he asked.

Olivia looked down the hallway as she walked ahead "It went well," she told him "Detective Burnette and Detective Keister are on their way to pick the guy up now."

"Who was it?" Elliot asked.

Olivia gulped, she didn't want to lie to Elliot but she had promised that Elliot wouldn't find out from her "I don't remember his name," she said lamely and walked ahead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night, the living room was more lively than it had been a night before. Seeing that their mother was alright had done wonders for the kids. Maureen had gone back to stay with Aiden. Kathleen and the twins were very animated in their conversations with Elliot and Olivia and Dickie ate several of the goodies that his mother had baked for Olivia.

"Kathy will be getting out of the hospital tomorrow," Elliot stated.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. Kathy would have no place to go "I think I'm gonna offer her the couch bed."

Elliot's jaw almost hit the floor "Won't that… be… awkward for you?" he asked. It would be even more awkward for him but he didn't want Olivia to know that.

"No," Olivia said, though she knew it would be awkward, it was the right thing to do "She won't be in any condition to take care of Eli by herself and this way she can still be around the kids. It'll just be a little crowded for a while."

Elliot nodded "Yeah," he wasn't exactly sure that this was the best solution but it seemed that the more people who were around, the safer and happier Olivia seemed to be. So he wasn't about to say no.

Olivia took a big bite out of the brownie that had been sitting on the plate on her lap. Just as she had finished chewing it, the phone rang. She reached over without hesitation and answered it "Hello?"

"Detective Benson, it's Detective Burnette," the voice on the other end stated "We went to pick up Luke Jordan but…" he trailed off.

"But what?" Olivia asked, not caring that Elliot and the kids were all looking at her. The earlier lively chat was now silenced.

"He wasn't there," Detective Burnette finished "We've got everyone in the department looking for him but so far no luck. Detective Keister and I are at the hospital now. We're gonna keep an eye on Mrs. Stabler until this guy's been arrested.

"Okay," Olivia said softly "Thanks for letting me know."

"Have a pleasant evening," Detective Burnette said as he hung up.

"You… too," Olivia said but the line had clicked off in the middle of her sentence.

"Liv…?" Elliot questioned, raising one of his eyebrows at her "Who was that…?"

"I'll tell you later," she said, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for a brief moment. She opened them again "Who wants to play Twister?"


	11. Chapter 11: Avoidance

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 11: Avoidance**

**A/N: I seem to be in the updating spirit these days. I know it's been a really long time since I updated this one but I hope you're all still interested in it.**

Olivia's Twister ploy hadn't fooled anyone. Everyone's eyes remained on her for several minutes. Even Eli seemed to be trying to read the truth on from her expression. After a while, Olivia took Eli from Elliot "Wow," she attempted to stifle an obviously forced yawn "I'm beat. I guess we should get to bed," she rose with Eli in her arms and stared pointedly at Elliot.

Elliot shrugged "Yeah, bedtime everybody," he got up and followed Olivia into her room. In spite of Elliot's words, the chatter in the living room resumed as soon as Elliot closed the bedroom door.

Olivia laid Eli in the crib and turned to Elliot. She took a deep breath. There was no way that she could avoid telling him now. "That was Detective Burnette," she began.

Elliot nodded, stepping closer to her. He had had a feeling that she'd been keeping something from him all afternoon. When Olivia hadn't continued, he reached out, touching her arm softly "And…?" he prodded gently.

"They haven't been able to make an arrest yet," Olivia sighed, turning away, hoping that she could get away with just that much information but knowing that she couldn't and knowing that Elliot wouldn't let her.

"There's something else," Elliot stated simply. He could tell that something was still weighing heavily on her.

Olivia turned back to face him. She was caught between her allegiance to Elliot and her promise to Kathy. She simply nodded.

"Who was this guy?" Elliot asked, taking another step closer to Olivia and wrapping his arms around her. He had been right, this had been too much for her.

Olivia gulped, realizing that Elliot would find out eventually with or without her cooperation "He was Kathy's boyfriend," at least that wasn't the part Kathy had been so insistent be kept a secret.

Elliot was silent for a moment. He wasn't bothered by the fact that Kathy had had a boyfriend, he was bothered by the fact that this boyfriend had turned out to be so dangerous "Is that all?" he asked, looking into Olivia's eyes "Were you trying to protect me from that all along?" he chuckled softly.

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment as she felt Elliot's lips brush gently across hers. She took a deep breath "Kathy… didn't want you to find out."

Elliot nodded "I probably would have wanted to run a background check on the guy. That would have driven her nuts."

"Yeah," Olivia smiled a little bit, then something occurred to her "Didn't you run background checks on a couple of my boyfriends?" she asked.

Elliot looked away, unable to hide the embarrassed grin "Well, that was different," he defended.

"How so?" Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow.

Elliot gulped "I… may have been, a little bit… concerned about you…"

Olivia leaned into him, grinning "Just concerned," she pushed.

Elliot laughed nervously as he looked down into her face "Maybe I was… a bit jealous too," he admitted finally. He wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug. "Did Detective Burnette say if they were going to keep an eye on Kathy or not?" he asked.

Olivia nuzzled close to him "Yeah," she said softly "He and his partner are gonna watch her till they get him."

"Good," Elliot said as he tried not to yawn.

Olivia took a few steps in the direction of the bed. She turned down the covers on what had become Elliot's side of the bed "It's been a long day for everyone," she said gently.

It wasn't long before Elliot and Olivia were snuggled beneath the covers together. And it wasn't long after that that Elliot drifted off to sleep. Olivia stayed awake for a little longer, listening to Eli's even breathing and to the now lowered whispers that were being traded between the living room's occupants ever less frequently.

She had doubts as to whether she had been truly ready or not when she had gone to Kathy. She hadn't recovered yet. She knew that. It was almost impossible for her to admit it too herself and even harder to admit it to Elliot, especially with everything that had happened. Elliot and his kids needed her to be strong for them. Even Kathy needed Olivia to be the strong one.

She just hoped they arrested this Luke Jordan soon. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach that she just couldn't shake. The man probably wouldn't have cared if the children had been in the house or not when he torched it. Olivia was scared and she couldn't even tell the man who now held her so protectively as he slept.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A man in gray sweats slid along the hospital wall. He was attempting to reach a specific destination. His reason for being in the hospital was not one of mercy or of beneficence, no, he was there for a much darker purpose and he intended on completing his mission.

That bitch thought that she could refuse him? Well, he was going to show her what happened to the ones that thought they had the right to say no. She'd survived the first time. She was the only one who had. Now he would correct that mistake.

He reached his destination and came to an abrupt halt. Two men stood outside the room. His aim would have to be accurate. He slid the light bulb bomb out of his sleeve and surreptitiously tossed it underhand right in between the two men. The bulb exploded in a bright flash but there was no time to stick around to make sure he'd gotten it write. One of the men began chasing him.

Panicked shouts erupted behind him as he dove down a stairwell. He was outside the hospital far faster than he thought he would be. The man chasing him had no chance of catching him now. He ducked down an alley and was gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The shrill and unwelcome ringing of Elliot's cell phone sent them both bolt upright in bed. Olivia muttered a soft curse under her breath as she flipped on the light and looked at Elliot. Elliot muttered a series of not-so-soft curses as he found the phone and flipped it open. But about ten seconds into the conversation, his whole expression changed.

Olivia instinctually moved closer to him and grabbed his free hand, holding it tight in hers as the call continued. After a few minutes, Elliot finally hung up. He turned to Olivia and she could see tears welling up in his eyes.

"Kathy," it was a statement rather than a question because Olivia just knew that the conversation involved his ex-wife.

He nodded slightly at her and pulled her close to him as he laid his head on her shoulder and began to cry. "She's in intensive care," he whispered as Olivia rubbed his back, trying to will his pain away "The bastard actually got into the hospital. He threw a Molotov cocktail in her room. They don't think she'll make it this time."

Olivia began to cry too. She had been talking with Kathy earlier that day. She had been fine, well not a hundred percent but her outlook had been good. Olivia had offered to let her stay with them. And now, how could hospital security have not noticed that creep? Olivia was angry, hurt and afraid all at once. This madman needed to be stopped.

The two of them sat there, wrapped up in each other's embrace and simply cried. Olivia couldn't think of the words to comfort Elliot and she suspected such words didn't even exist. Their tears were interrupted by Eli's cries for attention.

Without saying a word, Olivia rose from the bed, delicately extracting herself from Elliot's iron hold and went to the crib. She picked up the little boy who continued to scream his head off and would not be soothed. She held him close to her and whispered soothingly to him but it did nothing. It wasn't until she pressed her lips to the top of his head that she realized how warm he felt.

She pulled back from the baby and looked him over in the light cast by the lamp on her bedside table. He looked flushed and bubbling snot was running from his nose. That, most certainly, was causing him some discomfort in terms of breathing.

She turned to Elliot who was staring at the ceiling despondently. This night was not being kind to him. She cleared her throat softly and he turned his gaze towards her. Sad blue eyes examined her carefully "What is it?" he asked.

"I think Eli's sick," she told him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia sat in the kitchen, staring down into her cup of tea. Elliot had called Eli's pediatrician and gotten some medicine for him. Eli had still refused to go to sleep and Elliot was currently driving through the streets of Manhattan in the hopes that the sound of the car's engine would lull the infant to sleep.

Olivia had been left to explain about Kathy to Kathleen and the twins. Something that wasn't easy at all considering that Olivia could barely look them in the eye as she herself broke down into tears once again relaying the details to them.

They were all awake now, and there was no hope of any of them getting back to sleep that night. Kathleen had been the one to volunteer to tell Maureen. She currently sat on the couch, cradling the phone to her ear as she sobbed.

Olivia had made hot chocolate for the kids and tea for herself but as of yet, none of them had made an effort to drink any of it. Lizzie and Dickie sat across from Olivia at the kitchen table, their eyes glued to the wood grain of the table top.

"When's Dad gonna be back?" Lizzie asked, not raising her eyes to meet Olivia's.

"Soon," Olivia offered in a soft voice "He'll be back soon," she wanted him to come back to the apartment too. She felt vulnerable without him there. And even though deep down, she knew that she was doing everything she could to comfort the kids, she knew that she was no substitute for their father; their actual parent.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elliot drove through the streets, Eli very nearly asleep in the back seat. He knew he should head back to Olivia's for the night. She needed him, after all. And his children needed him too. But somehow, he just couldn't bring himself to go back just yet.

He had the strangest feeling that Eli would begin to fuss the second he stopped the car anyway. Plus, he needed sometime alone with his thoughts. Though Kathy and he had separated and he was happy and most definitely in love with Olivia, there was a part of him that would always care for her. That part of him was causing him tremendous pain at this moment.

He knew that Olivia would understand and that she would do everything in her power to soothe him. But that made it so much worse. How could he possibly heave the burden of his own pain on her when she herself had her own demons and her own pain to deal with? How could he trouble her with his worries and sorrows about his ex-wife and not make her feel insecure about his love for her?

And he did love her; with all his heart he loved her. He couldn't be responsible for adding to the heavy load that she carried on her shoulders already. So he turned down another street, unaware of how desperately Olivia was wishing that he would come home soon.

His phone rang and he answered it. When the conversation was over he turned in the direction of Olivia's apartment building. He suddenly found that he needed her, no matter how selfish that was. Kathy had died.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are you ready, Ms. Ashmore?" a man in a dark suit asked as he entered the room where the now brunette woman stood with a bag in one hand.

The newly christened Katrina Ashmore nodded somberly "Do I have to do this?" she asked, meekly, looking down at the pictures of her children that she'd been told she couldn't take with her.

The man stepped forward, an understanding expression covering his face "I know this is hard," he told her "But you're the only witness we have against him. He's not gonna stop until you're dead."

She nodded "But couldn't I just tell them-"

"No," the man told her "You'd be putting their lives in danger. I know you don't want that for your family."

Kathy Stabler sighed heavily and shouldered her bag. She wiped away a tear that had started to fall "Alright," she whispered, following the man out of the room "Let's go."

**A/N: Okay, so I was trying to think of a way to avoid having to write all that drama of Kathy staying with Olivia and Elliot and I think I may have gone a bit overboard but at the same time, I feel strangely satisfied. Let me know what you think.**


	12. Chapter 12: Carry On

**Crumbling Armor**

**Chapter 12: Carry On**

**A/N: Here's another chapter for all of you wonderful people. I'm really on an inspirational role. I really enjoy writing my stories. If any of you have a chance, could you check out my crossover story "Inexplicable Circumstances 1: The Beginning"? I hate to sound totally desperate but I really enjoy writing that story and it's posted in TV crossovers and it hasn't gotten as many reviews as I would have liked. Once again I'm sorry to sound desperate. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

Kathleen and the twins were asleep when Elliot got back to the apartment. He sighed heavily, not wanting to wake them, and walked into the bedroom to find Olivia sitting on the bed, waiting for him. He walked to the crib and laid the sleeping Eli down before coming to sit beside her on the bed. He draped his right arm around her shoulders and drew her close. He took her right hand in his left and held it tight. He sat like that for a long time in silence.

Olivia could sense that something was terribly wrong; something had changed between when he'd left with Eli and when he returned to her. Had Kathy's condition worsened? She desperately wanted to ask him about it but she remained silent, knowing that whatever it was, he would tell her about it soon enough. All she could do was be there for him. She leaned into him and let him rest chin on top of her head.

They sat like that for a long time before Elliot confirmed Olivia's worst fears. "Kathy's dead," he whispered hoarsely as he somehow managed to draw Olivia even closer to him.

"Oh God," Olivia whispered as tears began to fall. "El… I'm… I'm so sorry," those words sounded so hollow to her but they were all she could offer. She turned fully toward him and enveloped him in her arms, and they cried together.

It was a long time before either of them spoke again. They just sat there, allowing the other one to hold them up while they cried. They had both lost someone near and dear to them. And then there were the kids. They didn't even know yet. How were Elliot and Olivia supposed to break the news to them? What about Eli? So many thoughts swirled around both their minds. It was overwhelming. So all they could do was cry.

Several minutes later, Olivia found her voice "Have you told the kids yet?" Her hand began unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck.

Elliot half sighed half sobbed. It was such a broken sound that fresh tears sprang to Olivia's eyes simply from hearing it. He took in a ragged breath "Not yet," he whispered "I don't know how I can tell them," his head dropped and Olivia cradled him in her arms.

It was at that moment that Eli woke up and demanded attention. His cries seemed so loud in the silence. Olivia separated herself from Elliot and got up to retrieve him. She lifted Eli from the crib, quickly determining that the cause of his discomfort was a dirty diaper.

She changed his diaper and instead of putting him back down in his crib, she brought him back with her to the bed where Elliot was still slumped over, lost in the grips of overwhelming sorrow. She sat down beside the man she loved and slung an arm around his shoulder. "We'll get through this El," she told him quietly.

Elliot looked up at her. She looked upon him with concern and love. Even while she was still battling against the memories of her rape she was devoted to him. He managed a small smile. Maybe they would be able to get through this and everything else that life had in store for them.

Elliot watched as his youngest son wriggled his way out of Olivia's hold and clamber, clumsily over legs and blankets to reach his father. The baby grasped one of his father's fingers tight with his little hand and looked up. He opened his little mouth "Dada."

Fresh tears came to Elliot's eyes and he smiled; Eli's first word. Kathy wouldn't get to hear him speak. He picked up his son and hugged him "I love you," he whispered to the boy. He bounced his baby boy and kissed him on the forehead. His tears stopped eventually and he go up, placing the now drowsy Eli back in his crib.

He returned to Olivia as pulled her beneath the covers with him, holding her tight. He didn't want to lose anyone else. He swore, he wasn't going to lose her. His lips brushed against her "Thank you," he whispered.

She stared at him in confusion "For what?" she asked, her voice full of exhaustion; she was about to nod off.

"For being here," he told her "For letting me cry. For understanding me," he kissed her again "Thank you for being born."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kathy looked out the car window as she was driven to her new home, her new life. She couldn't help thinking of her children. She would miss so many things. Hopefully she wouldn't be in hiding too long. She was positive that she would miss Eli's first words; he was a bright baby and he would start speaking any day now. She would miss his first steps. If she was in hiding more than a year or two, she would miss Dickie and Elizabeth graduating from high school.

She didn't want to miss all these things. But she knew that if she stayed near her children, she would only be putting there lives in danger. She cursed herself for ever getting involved with Luke Jordan. She couldn't have known at the time that he was a suspect in so many murders spanning so many states.

She inwardly chuckled at her own expense. He had given her no indication that he was a violent sociopath until that last night. She had thought he was sweet, kind, gentle. She was apparently, not that good a judge of character. She wished she hadn't exposed her kids to that man. He had been so good with them. They had liked him. She had been hopeful about the relationship. _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ she repeatedly berated herself.

She hoped that Luke would believe she was dead. The Marshals had told her that he might go after her children to find out where she was if he didn't believe that she was dead. She wanted so badly to cry when they told her that but it had been such a rushed conversation and the next thing she knew, she was Katrina Ashmore and she was whisked away.

She would cry later. She didn't want her babies to be in danger. She wished she could find Luke herself and kill him, if only to ensure that her children could grow up in a world without him in it.

She suddenly realized why Elliot was prone to such rage. He'd seen more creeps in his line of work than Luke Jordan. He'd probably had the urge to kill more than one of them for the sake of there children. No wonder he didn't talk about it with her. How could she possibly understand? It was no wonder that he and Olivia worked so well together. He could talk to her about things he could never talk to Kathy about.

Kathy liked Olivia. She felt safe in the knowledge that in the aftermath of her "death" that Olivia would be there for her children in her absence. Kathy knew that Olivia would be good to her children and love them as her own. She'd gotten to know Olivia well enough to know that.

She closed her eyes tight and shook her head. She was Katrina Ashmore and she would be Katrina Ashmore for as long as it took. She just hoped it wouldn't take too long.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elizabeth had collapsed into her father's arms. Maureen and Kathleen retreated to separate corners to cry alone and Dickie tried to pretend he wasn't crying though it was painfully obvious. Olivia sat in the middle of the fray, holding Eli and watching the others fall apart.

The tears fell for approximately fifteen minuts before the children were able to form words again instead of just incoherent sobs. Each of them looked up at Elliot and Olivia "What do we do now?" Maureen was the first one to ask.

Elliot took a deep breath "The funeral's gonna be in a week. I've already started making the arrangements."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Kathleen asked, leaning forward in her seat.

"No," Elliot said quietly "You guys don't have to do anything, I've got it under control."

Olivia handed Eli to his father and turned to the other children. She was unsure of what to say. She simply reached out and hugged each one of them in turn, holding them close, trying to take their pain away with the simple gesture but knowing that she couldn't.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are you sure about this?" Elliot asked a week later as he and Olivia were getting ready for work.

Olivia smiled softly at him and patted him on the arm "I'm sure," she reassured him "You'll be with me after all," she added.

"Alright," Elliot conceded. He looked around the apartment at the haphazard mess left by his children. Maureen had taken Eli to the babysitter's and was going to pick him up as soon as her classes were over for the day. Kathleen had taken the twins to school. Dickie and Elizabeth would take the bus back to Olivia's apartment. Elliot and Olivia would go to work and hopefully be back to the apartment at a decent hour so that they could share in dinner together.

Elliot had been to work twice in the past week. More than one tragic case had crossed his desk on those days. He had found it hard to concentrate. His mind kept turning to thoughts of Olivia. He spent more time worrying about how she would settle back into the job than anything else. He knew, no matter how many times she said she was alright and how many times she insisted that she needed to get back to work, staying in the apartment was suffocating her, something was not right. She was on edge far too often.

Olivia grabbed his hand and squeezed it "Hey," she said softly. She knew he worried about her. She wished he wouldn't worry. She wasn't used to having someone worry about her. She needed to get back to the precinct. She needed to prove to everyone, most especially herself, that nothing had changed, that she could still be effective when it came to doing her job. She needed to prove that nothing had changed, even though she knew that things had changed. She needed to prove to Elliot that there was no reason for him to be worried about her.

He looked deep into her eyes "Hey," he returned, holding tight to her hand.

"It'll be okay, you'll see," she said softly, leaning in and kissing his lips. She smiled devilishly as she pulled away "That's all you get for the rest of the day," she reminded him. They had promised to keep things totally professional, or at least as professional as they had always kept them, while they were on the clock.

He chuckled, a deep, reassuring sound that warmed Olivia's soul "I'll try to keep that in mind," he replied, still holding tight to her hand.

They left the apartment soon after that and got into the car. The drive to the precinct seemed to pass far too quickly for either of their tastes. Before either of them knew it, they had pulled into the parking lot.

Elliot reached over, taking Olivia's hand and holding it in both of his "This is it," he said, lowering his lips to her hand and brushing against her knuckles before letting go.

"I'll be fine," she told him for the millionth time that morning "Let's go already," she unfastened her seatbelt and got out of the car. She headed into the precinct a good three steps in front of Elliot. To anyone watching, her stride and the way she was carrying herself exuded confidence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Luke Jordan sighed heavily. He knew that Kathy Stabler wasn't dead; the light bulb bomb couldn't possibly have been that accurate, or deadly. He had simply meant it as a warning to her. It was a message, to show her that he could get to her at anytime, anyplace.

He really didn't want to have to kill her. He only wanted to let her know not to defy or deny him. He had killed so many people over the years, set so many fires and never gotten caught.

Now they had whisked Kathy off into witness protection. It was his own fault. He shouldn't have been so soft as to only try scaring her with a little more fire instead of waiting until she was released from the hospital and shooting her dead so she couldn't talk.

Now he would have to finish her off. But he had to lure her out of hiding first. And as he sat outside the babysitter's house, watching Maureen Stabler drop off her baby brother, he knew exactly how to do that.


End file.
